I’m so confused.
I don’t have any idea what I should do. The US inside me that is trying to fight to survive is telling me to just find my answers in your arms and love but… the part of me that no longer believes in anything ‘US’ related wants me to man up and quit being a whiney bitch and let you go.
So what do I do?
Because without you I find myself crumpled on the floor but when we are together I find myself going crazy doubting and questioning everything. And I mean E V E R Y T H I N G!!!
And sleep? That is a fucking joke right now. How can I sleep when the silence and stillness makes me want to crawl out of my skin. Literally. I’m not even kidding. I seriously am going to lose my fucking mind.
And I’m pretty much okay with that.
If I lose my mind then I guess I wont have to deal with the shit that is running around up there.
This is going to be so fucking crazy and all over the place because no matter how much I say that I want to run away and let US go and blah fuckity blah, blah, blah….
I want US more than anything.
I don’t want to give up.
I want to believe.
I want to feel US like I used to.
I want to feel you touch places and bring them alive like no one else can.
I want to not hurt from the depths of my soul.
I want to not think that every time you are apart from you are with HER.
I want to be your number one… Not the runner up or just the chick you got stuck with.
I’m sorry. I will try again another time to get some more shit out. Right now I just want to snuggle into your arms and wrap myself in your love and forget about any and everything else.
But I don’t get to do that anymore. I haven’t been able to do that in a long time.
And I miss it so fucking much….