I’m writing this to say goodbye. Not the angry, emotional, we’re just fighting goodbye but the real last goodbye.
It’s going to be rough. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to suck more than just about anything in the world but it’s what I need to do. I know that if i don’t I won’t ever be able to let you go.
I don’t know how I’m going to anyways but there at times in life we have to do things we don’t want.
This is one of them.
I know I’ve said it all before. I know I’ve threatened to walk away before. I know I’ve gotten mad, sad, angry, emotional, and sometimes crazy before but this is different.
This time it’s over.
We’ve tried. We’ve pretended like it’s US against the world and that we could survive anything but clearly that was all fantasy.
I’m sure there will be times that I find myself on here, writing to you, but I’m ok with that. As long as I do it here and not text, call, or email you anymore.
No longer will i beg or compete for your time.
I know i could never delete this blog. There are too many memories that I don’t ever want to lose here. There are too many amazing moments captured that mean so much to me. I’m sure there will be times that I’m convinced US never happened, that we were just a figment of my imagination, and I will be able to come back here and find comfort in the posts I wrote about US, good or bad, reminding me that love does exist.
I started this last night and already I’m finding it hard not to reach out to you, trying not to beg you to make my sadness and hurt disappear l like you always do. I keep replaying our last conversation in my head, the sound of your any words as you hang up on me to go back to your friends, the way my feelings meant nothing to you as you swept me aside. It’s not working. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to hide in your arms, from finding myself thinking of you in the words i read in my book, listening to the falling rain and wanting to run out in it and be lost.
I feel like there may be quite a few of these posts in the near future. Posts of me whining and crying thinking of what should have been.
But I’m ok with that. Writing to you has always brought me some kind is comfort. Maybe I should of stuck to writing long ago and not falling for US….
Goodbye my Moon. I miss you so much already.