WHY?!? Why would you LEAVE me so BROKEN???

Someone asked me tonight, if you could ask HIM one question what would it be? It took me a few moments to catch my breath & then with tears streaming down my cheeks I replied with…

“WHY? It’s more of just one word”

I couldn’t continue the conversation, I had to REMOVE myself from it. I had to get away, run away, HIDE, I wanted to crawl back into my hole that I have been successfully LIVING out of for so long now. I made another list of questions for you….

WHY would you do this to me? WHY would you LEAVE me without a GOODBYE? REALLY?? SERIOUSLY?? I’m not even good enough for a fucking GOODBYE?? after ALL the BULLSHIT lines you fed me about making you my everything, can I keep you, can I love, I will love you FOREVER, blah fuckity blah blah blah.

I can’t even REMEMBER what the last conversation we had was? Can you FUCKING believe that? I am so zombie-like, that I CANT remember the last conversation we had was. WERE you mad at me? Did you SHOW me somehow that you were MAD at me? Did you say something and I MISSED it because C was so sick puking??

I WANT TO REMEMBER, almost as BAD as I WANT TO FORGET!!

I KNOW why you LEFT, I want to know WHY you left like you DID!! Why would you leave me to crumble without giving me the tiniest bit of closure to try to start building myself back up on? There is sooooo much more to get out but I can’t do it anymore right now….

Will this WHY haunt me FOREVER???? YOU have the POWER to not make that a REALITY, it wont take much, it doesn’t have to be in person, on the phone, or even in a message because I GET that it’s too HARD to SAY, but please at LEAST have the heart to not make me SUFFER in SILENCE forever…. please, give me that much, since EVERYThing else you OFFERED has been taken AWAY……

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6 Comments

  1. I completely empathize with you, love. I could say “story of my life” or offer any other cliche’d words of comfort but I’m sure they’d do nothing for you. All I can say is that somehow, some way, some day, I know it gets better. It has to. No one deserves to live a life in pain and misery. One day you’ll realize that there is no reason for some things, some things just fuck up.

    Reply
  2. I’m so sorry for your pain. I am going through my own bullshit with love and loss, and what I’m starting to figure out is that there is no good answer to “why?”. Good luck to you.

    Reply
  3. I know exactly what you mean, all everyone wants to know when a dumbass breaks their heart is why!

    Reply
  4. Gosh, so much pain! Have you a post with the details behind his or her leaving? Were they with you for long?

    Reply
    • I am in the process of writing something now, I apologize it is taking a while longer than I had hoped. The boys keep me busy and I write when most of the world is sleeping. I hope to have something posted by next week (:

      Reply

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