You LEFT and I have NOTHING….

I have been quiet all weekend, I know that you know that is not a good thing. Me quiet could only mean ONE thing… I’m shutting down. I’m starting to block out EVERYone and everything. I can’t go even a few mins without my thoughts wondering to you, and to top it all off, EVERYthing reminds me of you.

I have avoided the computer for the last few days simply because I can’t take the pain of not hearing from you, I have had my phone turned off for DAYS now, because I can’t stand having msgs that aren’t from YOU.

I swear that every song that we have ever shared together has made its way onto the RADIO!! I know not really that shocking since it is the radio, but I am talking about songs that have been off the radio for YEARS now, are magically playing on every station I have tuned in. I specifically left the iPod so that I wouldn’t play every song.

I have so much to get OUT, but I just don’t have the energy right now. It’s so much easier to just keep it inside and NOT think about it then to think about it right now.

You begged me to let you in, let my walls down, TRUST you, HA!! Look where that got me? HERE…. ALONE…. BROKEN…. with more walls than I have ever had before. Thicker, stronger, taller.

These walls will NOT be broken again.

I can’t take a pain like this anymore. I know there is pain that is deeper and worse than the pain that I am feeling. BUT for me, right now, I can’t even imagine it. I can’t even imagine feeling anything again. I feel so drained. I feel so used. I feel so BETRAYED…

I will try to get some shit out of my messed up head later, I have Halloween parties, SISTER healing my SOUL day, my birthday that I’m dreading so much now, and just a bunch of other shit…  but for now I’m just gonna curl up into a ball and hide away in my hole…

 Will I ever L O V E  again??

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