Whatever our SOULS are made of, HIS and MINE are the SAME…

I have been quiet lately. Scared to put my thoughts into words because that would make them REAL and they couldn’t possibly be real. So instead, I choose to express myself thru YouTube videos (:

Expressing my PAIN thru music makes sense to me. I am a music LOVER (:  I would burst into song randomly ALL day long and you would never complain. You know this & loved me anyways. Cuz that’s the kind of guy you  were. You would never complain, you would simply tell me you loved me & how amazing I was.

Do you know how hard it is to NEVER hear you say it anymore?

I would always try to stop you from saying it. I would blah, blah, blah over you to try to stop you from saying ‘it’. Do you know what I would give to hear it again? To just snuggle in and ‘listen’ to you forever? Of course, I would prefer that the BULLSHIT you fed me were actually TRUE and not just the empty rubbish that was flying out of your mouth.

OOooops my anger got the better of me there. Welcome to my world… the world of Highs and Lows.. mostly lows but I’m working on it (:

I’m so TIRED!! I haven’t slept more than 4 hours in a row in what feels like WEEKS now. Sleep…. now that is something that I miss almost as much as you, almost. I used to sleep so well. Never was sleeping an issue for me. The real issue for me was waking up (:

I started this post late last night as I was again struggling with my sadness. I gave up and decided to just post a YouTube video about how I felt (:

It’s the WITCHING hour around here. 8pm like clockwork my pulse starts to race, the butterflies come back with there nonstop fluttering, it’s hard to take a full breath (like that is anything new), and the CRAZY thoughts start taking over as I try to talk myself off the ledge.

Will I hear from you tonight?

 Will tonight be the night you decide its just tooooo HARD to live your life without me?

Sadly for my ❤ & SANITY, that night has yet to come. I drive myself nutty thinking of what you are doing throughout the day and night. I wonder if your day is brought to a standstill at times because the pain of me not being there is too much to handle, much like my EVERYday now in this life where I am trying to still convince myself you REALLY did exist and I didn’t just imagine your LOVE. I am still struggling with this, and it has become the THOUGHT that has taken over my waking moments.

DID I IMAGINE YOU?? WERE YOU REAL??

You couldn’t be REAL? because if you were how would you EVER leave me?? How could you EVER encourage me to FALL in LOVE with YOU for NOTHING? Well ALMOST nothing… I do have this intense Sadness hurt & pain to remind me of the ‘whatever’ it was that we  didn’t have.

I have to end this for tonight I can’t go on. I am repeating myself and on an emotional rollercoaster that NO ONE should have to deal with.

I miss you, I miss you, oh yea… I miss you……..

 

 

 

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