Hurting again… I’m over this SHIT!!

Hey babes, it’s been awhile I know, 4 days to be exact. I have been deliberately avoiding you. Can you believe that? After how much I begged, broken on the floor for you to come back, I’m AVOIDING you.

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just accept your love and be done with this wounded in a hole feeling that I can’t shake?!?

I have listened/read EVERY voice msg, txt, email you have sent, I have even responded to a few by either just replying to a txt or sending a quick voice response  BUT I wouldn’t talk to you the other night when you were trying so hard to get me to talk. I listened to your msgs and your tears, I even wept right along with you with BUT I just couldn’t respond because it is so much harder for me to only have a few seconds or mins with you before we have to part AGAIN for who knows how many hours/days/weeks. I am trying to not let you know that there is anything wrong while avoiding ANY personal interaction with you.

Does this sound wrong? Should I be trying to  keep you at least an arms length away because it hurts too bad when you leave?! Or should I just let you LOVE me like you have been trying so hard to do lately?!

I want and need to talk to you sooo bad. I am too scared that when we talk I won’t be able to hide my fears and tears from you. So avoiding you for now is how I am dealing with this. and it SUCKS!!

Please don’t give up on me. I really do LOVE you soo MUCH!

G’night My Moon… I Love You

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