A few bottles of wine & still you are MINE…….

Hey babes, I’m here at the ocean, I miss you, I love you, I wish you were here, you know the usual. I have to say I have ‘shared’ a few bottles of wine, a couple more beers and enough laughs to warm my heart until I can be with you again. I came on this trip because I needed some ‘me’ time. I think I got it, but you have been on my mind since I arrived.

I have been here for 3 days and do you think that the moon has gone away once?? NOPE!! It stalks me!! Lola was up when I woke up this morning, she followed me on the beach today while I walked for miles looking for agate’s and trying to just ‘think’, she followed me home before the sun went down, AND she was even up ALL night while we played Texas hold ’em this evening, staring at me thru the sky light, and to tell you the truth, I loved it, it reminded me that even if I can’t see or talk to you, that you are there. Behind the clouds, following me around, and just sharing your love.

I thought this weekend would give me the time to just be ME, to not think about you, to just BE. I spent the WHOLE time thinking of you. Of how you love me, how you make sure to let me know that I am what you want. That being with me is what makes you happy, because that is what makes me happy, being with you. So we can’t spend every second together, you know what? Who fucking cares? The minutes we spend together are some of the best minutes of my day. and for that I thank you. Thank you for loving me, thank you for not giving up on me, and thank you for believing in US.

I want to tell you how much I love you, I want to tell you how I am trying so hard to beat this BEAST that has been folllowing me around for so long now, I want to tell you how thinking of US has gotten me thru this weekend, but I am so tipsy, even more tired, and miss you the most.

I know now why my previous posts have been deleted. It is ‘him’ the BEAST. He won’t let me get all of the insecurities that I have out. He doesn’t want the relief I feel after I have expressed myself in a post. He wants me to have to hold it all in and not let it out so that it drives me insane, but I wont let him drive me insane anymore! I know that WE will beat him. That we will show him how he has no place with US. How he doesn’t belong. W e will be US. I know this, because I think of you in my dreams, I think of you during my day, I think of US always.

I miss you, I love you, I want no one but YOU.

Goodnight my Moon, I love you. Forever….

 

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