When anger boils over…

The anger has set in, again. I’m sure you can tell since I won’t even address you in these writings anymore. I don’t want to. I am mad at you. I am pissed that you would do this to me AGAIN. I won’t allow there to be a third time. My strength now is going to be used to believe that I deserve better. I deserve to be treated with respect. I deserve the man who begs to be my everything makes me HIS everything too!!

I don’t really think there is an excuse that would make this okay this time. I have been obsessing over what could be keeping you this time and really the only thing I have come up with is… Nothing. Nothing could be keeping me from you. Unless you are locked up or dead. I would of course feel horrible for being such a non believing bitch if either of those horrible things could be. But if you are alive and not incarcerated then please, I don’t want to hear from you anymore. I don’t ever want to talk to you again. And a fuck you!! I might not know what you are doing but I do know WHO you are doing it with…

Fuck you for treating me like a side dish. Fuck you for not being there for me. Fuck you for making me believe again. Fuck you for making me believe in US. Even as I type this I am feeling guilty. The anger and hate that is taking over is not being kind to you. I am allowing horrible things to be said to you. A part of me is sorry for that. The other part says fuck off. It’s obvious I am not in a good place right now. Hate is not an emotion that I often deal with. I have so much hate for the way that I am being treated. I don’t want to allow this hate anymore of my time. I need to run.

I am going to end this before it gets even more hateful. This is why I stay silent and don’t write to you when I am in a place like this.

Think I might blast me some T-Swizzle and drink some tea since the pain meds and neck pain are not going to allow me to run or have a glass. Fuck off to you if you are doing all things Christmas and acting like I don’t exist. Happy fucking Holidays asshole.

The most fucked up thing ever… I love you.

PS.. a fuck you to my iPod for playing Fade into You by Ms. Mazzy Star right now. Thank you and good night.

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2 Comments

  1. fuck … know exactly how you feel – it feels like shit but you know what, you’re doing the right thing as long as you feel you are!! xx

    Reply
    • Thank you for your support. I think I am just feeling sorry for myself because it’s the holidays. Hope you enjoy yours (: ❤

      Reply

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