Pushing it aside for the Holidays…

I am trying to stay silent. I really am. I have been trying to keep myself as busy as possible with this pulled/strained muscle I have. It is hard because I can’t do much before I have to get into a neutral position. I have been listening to music. I took the boys out to dinner at one of our fav Mexican spots. I gave C my laptop to play on for most of the day. I encouraged the boys to fight with their light sabers in the house. Can you believe it, me the warden, encouraged all this craziness?!?

I have decided to continue to write to you on here but to avoid all other contact with you. I need to find Me again. I need to try to be okay, I’m not right now and that’s not okay. I have the perfect excuse to spend time and get lost in family, it’s the fucking holidays and I can barely get myself out of bed. I am so bad that I am physically hurting myself now. The lack of sleep and The Beast have worn my body so much I am pulling/straining muscles that I didn’t even know possible.

I must be losing it. Or maybe I am just finding Me again. I need to focus on me. I wish you well. I really do hope you and yours enjoy your holidays because I plan on enjoying mine! I owe it to my boys.  Thank goodness for my babies, without them I don’t think there would be a Me right now. They are my true WORLD and I need to remind myself that. I am sorry to my boys and my boys ONLY.

I still love you. Maybe now just isn’t the time for US. Perhaps there will be a time because I know that the love I have for you is REAL.

Until we meet again my Moon. I love you. I’m sorry.

PS. Marjorie Johnson makes my heart happy (: You can find her here at BAKING. I just want to hug her. She makes me miss my grandma. Thanks for giving me a much needed smile Ms. Marjorie ❤

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