Hurt, sad, tired, and a bit confused…

You did it. You finally emailed me tonight. I have talked with you a little bit back and forth through messages. I want to just crawl into your arms and let you make it all better. I want to just say fuck it, whatever happened doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you are back. I want to act like it was nothing that you decided that you weren’t going to contact me for a fucking week.

What happens next time though? What happens next time you just go AWOL for fucking days? Do I forget about it then too? If I do isn’t it just a fucking endless cycle of you leaving and me breaking while I wait for you to decide that you miss me enough to reach out to me? I want to just forget it all and let you love me but do you? Do you really love me? Or do you just love the idea of being in love with me?

I started this earlier tonight, shortly after receiving your message. I still don’t know what I feel about you coming back again. I only talked to you through messages for a short bit and then had to remove myself from the conversation because I felt so hurt by you. I FEEL so hurt by you. I kinda feel like you don’t think it is such a big deal. I feel like you think maybe I should just take it and not bitch about you not being available to me. I just don’t know how to feel about this. Should I just accept it and move on because I really do love you that much? Or should I make a stand now? If I don’t will you continue to treat me this way? I feel so lost….

I’m sorry…. I love you…

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