I’m trying to…

Hey Moon, I am here and I alive. I made it through Christmas. I guess. It was like just another day to me this year. I haven’t felt like that since my grandma passed. I am usually so happy for the holidays. I spent some time with my mom’s side of the family for the first time since g-day. It was fun. I enjoy them. I forgot what it was like to play games and laugh so much. I missed you. I looked for you, even though I knew I would never see you. I still haven’t talked to you. I have sent a few responses but nothing very detailed just cordial. I am sorry. I want to talk to you. I want to spend time with you. I just don’t want it to be for a few seconds. I want to be able to finish the conversation we start. I don’t want to be interrupted and not be able to finish. I hate when we don’t get to say a proper, see you soon. I have a lot to say to you. I haven’t been able to really write since I have been down. I will try to get all this out later or maybe even in the wee hours of the morning since I haven’t been sleeping well. I miss you. I think of you often. I am trying to believe. I wish it was easier. I don’t even remember what the tingle is like. That makes me sad. I miss the tingle too.

I hope you haven’t given up on me yet. I need to believe. I need to feel the love. Thank you for your messages they really do help. I read them when things get really dark. I am going to try to get some snuggle time in. I hope you are sleeping better than me. (Not really)

Goodnight my Moon. I love you. I miss you. I need you always.