I’m trying, I really am….

I couldn’t have woken up to a more upsetting morning. The only thing I guess I will say for now is I believe in you. I am going to believe and follow my heart, the way that it starts to flutter, the moments of stolen breath, the butterflies that I have missed so much, and I am going to try so hard to ignore the demons that run amok inside. I am going to try but I don’t know how successful I will be with you not around. I can’t imagine that you will be able to spend much time with me for a bit. Which of course makes me wonder if this whole ‘believe’ shit is worth it or if my BELIEVE is really just me being NAIVE, okay fine, STUPID? I guess if you can’t own IT, you shouldn’t do it so this is me owning it. I am officially saying that if you are bullshitting me then I am a fucking IDIOT!! I hope that I am wrong. I hope I am not the idiot again but can you blame me for thinking anything else? I am used to broken promises and shattered hearts. I don’t know what to do with you and your ‘want’ to be there for me so much. I am so confused at what to do with your love. I don’t know if I should let it envelope me like I so want it to or to keep it at bay? As soon as I start to feel the sparkle, the tingle of US, I feel the need to shut it down. My believe is weakening, I’m going to run……… I’m sorry… Rawr

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