Swirling, twirling, thoughts and sleepless nights… again.

I got your text messages tonight. I have mixed feelings about them. I know that it was gracious of you to even take time out of what you are doing to message me and I want to thank you for that. Now, that being said, do you think you could have given me SOME kind of info on the events of the weekend? Something, anything!?! I got 3 texts from you. Two I Miss yous and an I love you. Ummm… thanks. I guess. I know that I am being an ungrateful bitch but sorry I would like to know something. I mean you would think that a grown ass man would be able to find 4 minutes to call the ‘Woman they love with their everything’ and give her some kind of info on what happened, and most importantly how are you? Are you okay? How is Little Man? I have been thinking of him all weekend.

I am so sad I haven’t been out of bed much other than to snuggle with the baby. Oh, the baby. I almost forgot I got to snuggle him tonight. He came over and spent some much needed snuggle time with me. I am so happy; it got me through the night. I was able to kiss & hug, tickle & play, and get him to do his adorable baby giggle. He made me forget how sad my soul was. Thanks baby DD-bug you brighten my day always.

I am sure when I do talk to you again you will be full of explanations. You will have a story about how you had to do this, or that, or blah fuckity, blah, blah, blah. Or maybe, you will just say what you did last time and say, ‘yea, I could have got a hold of you, I am sorry, I should, I am sorry baby.’ But will I except this time? That is the question.

My sadness is turning this ugly again. I am sorry. I do believe. I do miss you. I do hope that whatever happened you feel like it was what was right for you and Little Man. I am sorry that I am so needy. I am sorry I am a class 5 clinger. I am sorry that the monsters take over sometimes. I am sorry that I am too weak when you are gone for too long. I am sorry that I have been a wreck these past few days. I am so sorry for all of my fear, my doubts.

I am sure that this weekend’s events, whatever happened, were not pleasant for you in most ways. I am sure you are feeling very liberated in others. I hope you find yourself in all of this. I hope you are happy and at peace.

I miss you my Moon. Rawr…

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1 Comment

  1. I know how it feels when the i love yous and i miss yous start to make you MAD because he doesnt even do the little things like pick up the damn phone to call.. I feel u hun

    Reply

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