Forever could never be long enough for me, to feel like I’ve had long enough with you…

Hey moon I don’t know what has gotten into me lately but I have been this stranger. I spent the evening getting in some snuggles from my fav lil bean tonight and then ended the night with the ladies drinking a few beers and playing several rounds of erotic photo hunt, female version of course (: and listening to a pretty kick ass little band. It was just what I needed to just do girly things and dance like dummies and sing and be silly dumb girls (: it was a blast but I don’t know who this girl is. I don’t know why the stars are aligning and allowing these amazing much needed soul breaks to happen but I have a pretty good idea who is behind it out there and I hope that they both know how much I miss them and thank you I love you both more than life ❤

That being said I haven’t talked to you today and I kind of feel like that is a good thing. I have been so dependent on you lately that I need to not be able to have access to you so much. I mean for fucks sake it is 3:15am and I am wide awake BECAUSE I haven’t been able to hear your voice today. I haven’t been able to have you call me sweetheart, honey bun, babycakes… I know they are cheesy, silly, gag you with cuteness, nicknames and you know what? I LOVE every one of them. Yup, I do. There are a few I am more partial to just because of sentimental reasons but I love how you make me feel. I love how they make me feel. I struggle with what to call you. I don’t know if you ever notice that but there are times that want to call you baby but wonder how you respond to it. Baby is what I save for the ‘one’ and it has been so long since I have used it in that way I am scared that if I call you baby and claim it then that’s it, there is no more discussion about it, you are mine after that. I don’t think we are there yet. I don’t think you are ready for that yet. I don’t want to pressure you. I know this might sound so ridiculous but for me calling you baby means that you are mine, that you have my heart, my soul, my life. Oh my god I sound like a fucking lunatic. Maybe this fresh sea air, amazing baby snuggles, and fanfuckingtastic girls nights out are getting to me.

Or maybe I really am just a fucking nut case. Either way I love you.

I’m pretty sure that there was something I was telling you tonight but I have completely forgotten it right now. I know that I miss you. I know that I am trying to distract myself from you. That I am trying to keep myself from being able to talk to you. I am doing a horrible job of it. I can make sure that I don’t remember to put the phone to charge so that the battery is dead; I can turn the ringer off the cell and turn the computer off. I can finally give in to K and let him hangout, I can even try to distract myself with babies and booze but you know what I can’t do? I can’t stop myself from thinking of you. I can’t stop you from being in every thought I have. I can’t stop the butterflies I get when I think of US. I can’t stop the tingle I feel when I think about some of our ‘special’ moments, the last night at the ocean (: ohemgee… make me blush much ❤ and I can’t fake the tingle for someone because there is no one else for me now. There will never be the tingle; the sparkle that you make me feel will never come from someone else. I’m sure that I could feel pretty damn good with someone else for the rest of my life but I am not okay with pretty good anymore now that I have found A M A Z I N G. I love you. I’m sorry if this was up, down, right, left, skibididobopp but that’s pretty much me a cluster fuck of sugar, spice, and things fucking nice (:

Goodnight my Moon I love you. I wont be sleeping I’m sure but I am going to lay here and listen to music and feel the tingle of US.

I miss you. I know you are missing me. I know you are loving me.

I believe.

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