Freaking ridiculous ridiculous-ness you are.

Moon, Moon, Moon… what the heck am I going to do with you? Keep you… I know that. But how do I keep you without pushing you away? It seems like the harder I push the tighter you hold on and the more you love.

Really?

Do you have to be so freaking ridiculous?

The answer is of course YES because you are my Moon and you continue to amaze with the love you have for me. The love you show me is nothing I have experienced before in my adult life. Crazy? Sad really I think, but true none the less. I am daily surprised with the level of love and commitment that you show me. I wish I wasn’t so bad at showing you how much I appreciate it. I am sorry. I know that I am so busy pushing you away or shutting down sometimes that it may seem like I am not hearing you or feeling you but I am. I am feeling it too damn much which is why I start to push.

You don’t have to hold on, you don’t have to keep reassuring me, you don’t have to keep loving me but you do and you do it so well that I think you might be breaking through these nasty walls and don’t tell anyone but… I love it, I’m excited, but I don’t want to jinx it. I want you to break them down so bad. I want them to be non existent.

We have been so good at being US lately that I feel like it is the calm before the storm. We have had some pretty great patches of US before but they are always RUDELY interrupted by some sort of fucking disaster and I feel like I am on high alert waiting for the signs of the next one on the horizon. It is exhausting, to always feel unsettled and on edge, even when you really feel like you couldn’t be more relaxed but story of my life right?

I love you. I miss you. Thank you for holding me so tight last night and into early morning. The few hours of sleep that I got with you were amazing. I don’t know how you do it but as soon as the darkness, fear, or panic starts to creep in you somehow know and start comforting and relaxing me, pushing the darkness back and keeping it there while I rest. You are so amazing my dear and I feel so blessed to be loved by you. I love you.

Perhaps my Friday night will be filled with you because I don’t know if you remember but… my nights are meant to be filled with you, with US.

I love you…

 

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