Just close your eyes, you’ll be all right… At least, that is what I keep telling myself.

I always feel Safe and Sound in your arms…

I’m not home, I attempted to get out of the house today but still feel like I am bursting at the seams with ideas, thoughts, fears, and all the other shit up there. I don’t know how much longer I can avoid talking about everything. I don’t know how much longer you will allow me to keep you at arms distance. I have so many mixed feelings about all of this. You, me, US, not to mention the scary beast that I live with on a daily basis. I might just have to break down and spew some venom here but I haven’t decided yet. I guess if it gets bad enough I won’t really have a choice and it will just happen. That’s how I like it anyways, to just happen. That is the reason I have this, because I love the way I feel after I write. But I haven’t been getting that feeling lately. There is so much darkness and evil surrounding me that I feel strangled by it all and then it gets stuck and nothing happens.

I am too distracted to write anymore now. I will tonight. I have to tonight. Or I just might burst….

Miss you. Love you. Need you.

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