No, no, I promised time and I’m going to do that. HA! This bullshit makes my stomach turn.

This is what I wanted right? This is what I kept telling you to do. Forget about me. Don’t love me. Give up on me, I have given up on myself long ago. Meet new people. Find a new love. *gag, puke, vomit, hyperventilate, cry, scream, fight the darkness, etc.*

Aren’t these all the things I have been begging for weeks over now? Yea, I thought so too. Funny how when you get what you want it ends up fucking biting you in the ass.

It just frustrates me so much though. I trusted you. I trusted your stupid little won’t leave you, love you with my heart and soul, blah-bitty, blah bullshit when everything in me told me to fight it. To not trust these silly moments of amazing that couldn’t possibly be real. But no, I didn’t listen. I chose to believe in the bullshit and to ignore the warning.

And now look where I am. Right fucking where I started but more broken and hurt than ever before. Questioning everything. Wondering if any of it was real. Trying hard to fight the darkness that is edging closer while at the same time begging for it to take me. To just swallow me whole and let me be. And if it isn’t going to take me then someone please wake me the fuck up from this nightmare. Shake me like a fucking Etch A Sketch, until none of this exists anymore and all the memories and pain are erased.

You could have just left long ago. You didn’t have to hold on and wait at home. You didn’t have to break me. You didn’t have to try to prove my Love doesn’t exist theory was crap. You didn’t have to make me feel like a fucking quickie, not even worth your time, less important than homies and Walmart-Fucking Bitch.

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1 Comment

  1. This is what happens when you are not around to save me… I give up. « Can I Keep You…

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