I think that the ‘One Day’ has arrived… And I don’t know what to do. So I guess I will watch the Olympics.

I hate this feeling, the feeling like I am a bother, annoying, or worse yet, interrupting you. I hate that it took me losing the little bit of trust I had found in you to make me realize that I had in fact found trust in you.

I forgot what a horrible feeling it is to wake up from night terrors with tear soaked cheeks wondering if it will be another US-less day. I hate not being able to shake the fear I feel in the pit of my stomach that US is gone. I hate the tears that spring to my eyes and the breath that is sucked from me at random times. I hate that I want to spend hours days forever in your arms but at the same time feel like in your arms is the last place you want me to be. I feel like you want to spend as little time with me as possible, like you give me enough just to shut me up for a bit and that you are cringing the whole time.

Im so sad. I feel the sadness in my bones. My heart is heavy. My feet are heavy. Even my fingers are heavy. I want to just sleep but even my sleep is full of nightmares. I feel like I didn’t even sleep last night instead I just watched a series of horrible mini movies full of you leaving me in various ways usually ending with me crying on the floor. I’m not looking forward to sleep tonight either.

I need you. I need US to fix this. I’m scared it’s unfixable. Mostly because I don’t think you want to fix US anymore. I feel like you have reached your boiling point and are done with US.

Fuck.

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: