I hate the weekends that aren’t full of US… I’m thinking they might be your favorite kind.

I spent the afternoon on the river with two of my favorite little people in the universe today and I have to say that the smiles and peace I felt were not faked. The smiles were small and far between but that could be due to the sadness that still lurked just beneath the surface of the smiles.

I find the water so calming. If I could have my way I would have a cabin on all types of lakes, rivers, and oceans. My own little private hideaways. There is something about the crystal clear water flowing so freely and the sun lighting the tips making it look like the top of the water is on fire, my favorite. It was hard to not feel anything but calm today and I loved it.

The sun warmed my skin and even touched the tip of my soul, the water danced and glittered beautifully today calming the angry ocean of screaming thoughts that is my mind. I realized today that it’s not about ‘fixing’ me, it never was, it’s about me becoming ME, there is no fixing at all. I apologize in advance if you don’t like the ME that I become. On second thought, no I don’t (:

There of course was something missing. Something was off today. I know what it was. You know what it was. I’m sorry.

I miss you.

Goodnight Moon.

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