You have made me feel a lot of things but never Ordinary… Until now.

I’m alone in my room, locked away from the sunny, heat exhausting, day. I don’t want anyone to talk to me. I don’t want anyone to touch me; its so freaking hot the only thing I want touching my body is crisp, cool, water. And I don’t think that is happening today. There is no water around to calm my mind and cool my soul so I guess I have to stick with a fan, glass of cold ice water, and writing. The only thing missing is the music but I can’t tell if it distracts or inspires so I’m trying none for now to see. Just talking about music has sidetracked my thoughts.

I feel US slipping further and further away and I’m finding myself doing less and less to save it. I think you are too. I find the simplest things that were so little but meant so much are disappearing too. I hate that it takes the absence of them to make me appreciate them so much. As much as I was screaming to stop your loving, caring, being there, and all the other STOPS I demanded, I secretly loved everyone. I begged you to stop because even though they were the most amazing feeling ever, I never wanted to know what it would feel like when the loving, caring, being there, blah, blah, blah, stopped. It fucking sucks, that is what it feels like. It feels like NOTHING. It’s kind of an uneasy feeling actually to feel nothing. I almost miss the hurt when the nothing sets in, almost.

I need to stop having a pity party for myself. I need to stop doing laundry on a day when it’s a hundred friggin’ degrees out and the dryer is in my ROOM, where’s a freaking clothes line when you need it?

Well, the little people call.

I miss you.

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