If someone could wash away the pain of today that would be nice… And also add a ‘you don’t want to hit send’ button for me. K-Thanks

I just got a response from the text I just sent you and I’m having anxiety over reading it. I don’t think I want to know what it says. I mean really it doesn’t matter anymore what it says because no matter what you took the time to send me a response. You didn’t ignore me. You didn’t blow me off and act like I didn’t text you. You sent me some kind of response and that is all that I really need right now.

The Text:

Yes I am just hanging out with P tonight please!!!!!

My Response:

ummm.... okay
was it necessary to add the SIX exclamation points?
oh yea, and are you talking about the P that 
you LIVE with? 
That you can see anytime you want by say, 
I dunno fucking walking down the hall?
oh.. yea, that is what I thought.
because it's not like it's important that we talk or 
anything before I leave for 4 days right?
It's not like you said you would always be there or 
anything for me.
Oh, wait, that is exactly what you fucking said. 
Good thing I didnt believe any of the bullshit you fed me.
Oh, I wanted to believe it, I almost did, 
I almost believed that forever, unconditional, 
love existed but how quickly that fire can put out huh? 
If only the memory 
and want for you disappeared as quickly as your 
love for me did.
why not just say that 
you are done instead of making 
me wait for nothing?

So apparently the fact that there was a response was quickly lost when the hurt set in. You have rarely been mean or rude to me. I don’t know that I can actually recall a time that you have been rude to me, before the last few weeks that is. But now, I am met with ignored phone calls, unreturned texts, and NOTHING.

I am sure that there will be no further response now. I don’t know how I feel about that. I just keep pushing. Of course a part is relieved because if you continue to ignore me then eventually I will give up right? I mean that is what you did. You gave up.

I think I told you once that I would fight for you if anything were to ever happen. That I would never let you walk away without looking back like she did. That I would hold on kicking and screaming my love for you. But now, well; now I just feel silly for chasing someone who doesn’t want me. Which in turn makes me feel silly for all the moments that we shared that I thought were real?

It is starting to make sense why I have such a hard time being US like we used to. Because I don’t really believe that US is real anymore and I feel stupid for showing you apart of my soul. You my dear have seen parts of me that I have never shown another and probably never will again.

This is so all over the place. I guess I will just end it now.

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1 Comment

  1. Because I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship – I’m not exactly sure what is going on – but was that his response? Because if it was – he loves you – he is hurt but he LOVES you and he wants you. If it was him – (without me knowing all the details!) I don’t think you can let this go yet…

    Reply

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