Dear Death, You can take me now. I’m ready… Unless Moon calls.

You said you would ‘try’ to make time for me tonight. I am so nervous that I can’t really think straight right now.

What you if you don’t make time for me?
What will happen when I have to go another day without hearing your voice, without being able to get lost in you?

Will I be able to survive this without you?

I don’t know.

I don’t think I will.

I don’t think I will be able to keep on existing without you much longer. The part of me that you found and brought  to life is slowly dying and withering to nothing. Life without US has no color. There is no life to this life without you. I simply wake up and somehow robot my way through the day the best way I can, half alive, wishing for death, praying for you, hoping US will find it’s way back to the light.

I don’t have much faith. The believe that you nurtured and loved for so many months is no longer there, it disappeared and all that is left is anxiety, emptiness, and depression.

I can only hope that tonight is the night I get to be in your arms, wrapped in your love, and that I don’t fuck anytime that we have as US up.

That is my biggest fear. I am so nervous to speak to you that I fear I may clam up and then the awkwardness will be so obvious. Why would you want to spend anytime with me when I am a fun-sucking super crier? 

I miss you.

I miss your voice.

I miss your love.

I miss your laugh.

I miss the way you call me Beautiful and Hunny Bun and SnuggleBunny and all the other mushy gushy lovey dovey things that you call me.

I miss getting so lost in US that nothing else exists.

I miss waking up and falling asleep to you.

I miss feeling safe, loved, needed, and most of all wanted.

I miss the way you made me feel like no matter what I was saying, doing, or whatever that I mattered.

I miss feeling you, inside me, wrapped around me, filling me.

I miss everything.

I’m sorry.




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