I wonder when I become NOTHING to you… Was it long ago? Or was I simply always nothing? I guess I will never know. The only thing I know is that now I don’t exist to you and I feel the hurt like never before.

I have never really had to hide my pain so much. This whole being at work and having to pretend like there is NOT a gaping hole in my soul is killing me. Or maybe it is the lack of you that is killing me. Or perhaps the lack of US. Probably a bit of both but it doesnt really matter, all that matters is that you arent here. You won’t be here. I don’t think I will ever get to ‘Keep You’ again and I don’t know how to process this.

I don’t know how to keep acting like I want to live this life without you anymore. I don’t know how to get out of bed each morning when all I want to do is crawl under the covers and come out on a day where US exists.

I want to go back to the days where it was just US. Where it didn’t matter what was going on in the world because I was with you, safe in US and no one could hurt me because you wouldn’t allow it.

But now, I am more hurt than ever before and YOU are the one who did it. I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t accept that all of the love that you gave was bullshit. My head is trying to tell me so but my heart and soul won’t hear of it. There is no way that it was fake because I felt it.
I felt the love of US like I have never felt love before.

I felt you in the depths of my soul. You ignited a part of me that had never been touched before and I don’t know how to put out the need to have you now.

I don’t know how to stop the hurt of missing you from bringing me to my knees. I don’t know how to stop the tears that spring to my eyes at random times throughout the day.
I don’t know how to breathe a full breath without you by my side.
Most of all I don’t know how to let go of the love I have for US.

And I don’t really think I want to… but holding on to it is killing me.

I’m sorry.

I love you.

 

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. I know how you feel

    Reply
  2. This is exactly what I’ve written myself. Did you move on?

    Reply

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