Two posts in one day? Better yet in one MONTH? The world must be ending… I’m ready.

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I spent time reading through September’s posts. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe because I wanted to see if I could remember what US was like. I almost didn’t believe that I was the one who had done the writing. I mean seriously, who is this lovesick chick? I don’t even remember writing any of that. There are some seriously intense writings happening there and I feel like I am violating someones private thoughts. I couldn’t have written them because I don’t recall writing them. Well, I take that back, I remember bits and pieces but for the must part I have locked and numbed all emotion linked to US.
I had too. It’s too hard otherwise…
I do miss you. I do still long for you, ache for you, cry for you. But now I do it silently, in my head, where the hurt, anger, sadness, tears, longing, aching, wallowing, and every other fucked up emotion I feel is kept under wraps and ignored.
I’m finding out that there is no hiding from US, that for as much as I fight, ignore, and push away the love of US it always finds it’s way inside. It always finds it’s way back. It’s always there to sneak in and spark the flame, trying to ignite the fire of US. And yet everytime I am there to extinguish the feelings and hide from the love.
I don’t know how much longer I can hold out…
I’m sorry. I love you. I need you.
I’m yours…

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