I’m going crazy… Will this go away?

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I wanted to delete the blog. I wanted to erase any and every thing that has ever reminded me of you. I didn’t want to have to look at something that reminded me of how fake and full of lies US has become.

I attempted to read through from the beginning. I guess I was trying to convince myself that there was some truth in US somewhere but I only succeeded in pissing myself off further and doubting US even more. I find myself so sickened by what I read. I feel like I had these intense feelings for something that was fake, made up, a figment of my imagination, and it literally makes my stomach roll.

I am so sad at what US has become. I feel like I am walking around like a zombie again barely alive but shuffling through all the same. And I fucking hate it. All the comfort and love I used to find in you is missing and I need it so bad…

I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to hit you and yell that my feelings and love were worth more than what you made them.

But I won’t. I will hold it all in, attempt to get as much out here as possible and see how long it takes for you to get bored of waiting again.

Because you will.

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