I’m not much of a drinker… But I’m going to be tomorrow.

i am so

 

 

I was sitting down to write and the stopped to check out stats, bad idea. I noticed a post titled, An early morning Miss List, had received quite a few hits. I  of course clicked on it because, as with most things I write, I had no memory of writing or titling it so, of course I had to read what I wrote. Upon further inspection I realized I wrote it July 12th of last year. July 12th is a very special day to me, it’s her birthday and I miss her so much.

I, still, don’t remember writing it but everything I missed I still do.

I’m sorry it’s almost a year later and not much has changed.

I love you more. I miss you more. I need you more.

Everything else is pretty much the same.

Sorry.

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Posting via someone elses words… Think they were spoken from my soul. Thank you L.C.

taking back us

That’s what you want right?

#toosadtowrite #missyou #thinkimgoingcrazy #areyouwithsomeone #insomnia #thisishowishouldtitlemyblogs

image

Pretty sure I’m going crazy. The one night I think I could write there is no internet and writing on my phone sucks.

I hate when you don’t answer. I’m convinced you’re with someone else.
#welcometomycrazyhead #willthisgoawayever #needyoutosleep

Think I’m ending this now.

Night.

Sunday Scatterbrain… You might just want to skip this one.

dont know what we talk about

Should I write now? I am trying to decide if that is a good idea or not. I’m pretty much just going to let my fingers do the flying and see what comes out.

We just hung up. And you already sent a text.

And I have no idea how to process that.

Are you spending so much of your time with me today because of all the crying and complaining I did over your absence Friday night? Or, do you really want to spend your time with me?

Does it even matter the ‘why’ to our time together when all I can keep thinking about is how rested and good I feel? I don’t think you know what its like to live with someone who makes you feel unloved, unwanted, and worthless. That’s my life. I live someplace where I’m not acknowledged, not in a good way. The only time I feel loved is when I’m with you.

I just wished I believed in the love you made me feel…

I don’t think I ever will.

I’m sorry. Too much crazy right now. I’m not making any sense.  

Seems like I only post on the weekends… When you forget I exist. Asshole.

sad soul

I’m making myself put on some T-Swizzle and try to get this crazy I have out but I don’t know if it is going to work or not. I don’t have my headset, I left it in the car so that I wouldn’t be tempted to call/answer and fall into US in the wee hours of the night, and the music can’t really blast the way I need it too at these hours. I might break down and go get them but will see.

I’m serious with what I text you earlier. I have spent, too much, time looking for aps to block you from contacting me. I haven’t had much luck short of changing my number and with all the hassle of that it makes it pretty much not an option. Plus I’m pretty much kidding myself into thinking you are going to attempt to contact me again. I mean at some point you have to get tired of your pretending, because that is really what you are doing, and just move the fuck on.

So move on already.

And stay gone this time. Don’t come back with some piss ass story about how you love me and can’t live without me and blah fuckity blah, blah, blah… I have heard it all before.

 I’m sure you have said it all before. I’m sure you’re fucking saying it to someone else too. I mean seriously, who am I fucking trying to kid, there is no fucking way that you are not still trying to fuck that bitch, or some other bitch.

And whenever I bring up any of these insecurities that I have, that you gave me, you act like it is such a fucking surprise. Like, whoa, where could I possibly be coming up with these ideas that you lie to me; when you literally get caught telling some of the fucking dumbest lies, just days before.

As much as I truly enjoy telling you the fuck off I don’t intend to spend any more of my energy on someone who only cares part time.

I’ve already got there here full time. Remember.

How many times do you really think that I am going to accept your I’m sorry’s?

I don’t have anything nice or good to say to tonight so I’m not going to try.

 

This pretty much sums up the reason I don’t believe… I’m sorry.

love flowers

I’m sorry my ‘try’ is not good enough for you…