How much will you regret when you realize I’m gone?

fall apart

I’m sad to say that I’m beginning to realize that, though I will be pretty fucking sad, I’m going to make it out of US… alive.

I was attempting to sleep and my mind began to wonder. I was trying to remember how long it had been since I had spoke to you. I couldn’t remember. I am pretty sure I can say it’s been weeks now since we’ve talked. That led to me to thinking about how it really has been weeks since we’ve talked and how before I knew it would be months and then years since we’ve talked…

I started to panic. My heart started to race and my nose burned and I was choking to hold back the sobs. How could this be my life right now? Where did we go so drastically wrong? What happened? How did I go from being a part of your daily life to being nothing?

Seriously.

This all just happened. I am actually coming to terms with how my life is going to be without you. I’m realizing that even though it hurts like a fucking bitch I’m still going to live it. And I’m going to try my damnedest to find the joy in every second. I’m sorry you chose to not live those seconds with me. I was so sure you were going to…

Anyways.

I had to get out of bed and escape the dark and silence as quickly as possible. But I’m not able to escape the thoughts of missing you. I’m not able to hide from the hurt I feel as I slowly let you go.

I want to write more. I am barely able to keep my eyes open but I’m sure as soon as I hit the pillow thoughts of you will rush back in and, well, you know how that cycle goes.

So, I’m off to attempt sleep. I’m hoping I will be lulled to sleep by 4 of my favorite Girls who just happened to be Golden because you know how much I love me some Rose.

Hoping sleep finds me soon…

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