I’ve been sitting here for awhile now and all I do is delete everything I’ve typed.
It doesn’t matter.
It’s all the same.
I’m hurt, missing you, wanting you, crying for you, blah fuckity blah blah…
I don’t know who I am anymore.
If I was insecure before then I wonder what you would call what I am now. I can only explain it as broken.
I feel like I don’t matter. I don’t know how to take a compliment. I turn awkward and sound rude because I don’t believe it. I feel like they are trying to make me feel better and that they are not sincere. I can’t understand what they could possibly see in me when you see nothing at all. I’m so bad at it that I have had someone tell me to stop, that I’m beautiful and funny and sexy and smart and I need to start seeing it and accept it. I don’t even know how I responded to him but I know all I was thinking was that I wish it had been you saying it.
I’m sure I won’t speak to him again for months….
Sadly, I’m okay with that.
It’s you I want.
Posted by moon lover on April 14, 2014
I’m convinced you do things just to hurt me now. You don’t want to take the time to answer the phone when I call or to respond to a text I send but you will take the time to record a video to send to me with the message attached ‘here babe’…
That is what I am worth to you now? You want to throw a 2 minute video to me satisfy me for a while so I leave you alone?
Well you got what you wanted.
I’m leaving you alone.
I will no longer sit here and try to convince you of my love. I have done everything I could. I have begged and cried. I have told you I’m sorry over and over.
You didn’t care. You don’t care.
4 months is a long time.
Long enough to decide if someone is worth fighting for.
Years from now when we look back at this time in our lives I can honestly say that I fought for US as hard as I could. I held on for as long as could kicking and screaming.
Will you be able to say the same thing?
Posted by moon lover on April 4, 2014