Letting go is the hardest thing of all… isn’t it?

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I’m pretty much going crazy and about to explode. So I’m gonna try to get some crazy out and write a little bit.

I’m sad. I know I’m always sad but I just feel sadder for some reason.

I’m confused. I don’t understand you at all. I don’t understand me either. I don’t understand why I care so much about what someone else, who doesn’t even care enough about me to pick up a phone or return a text and hasn’t for MONTHS now, thinks about me or what choices I’m making. Why do I? Why do I care so fucking much about what you would think or how you would feel in just about ever thing I do?!?

Why?!

You don’t care about me.

You have made that obvious with your actions, or lack thereof, for months now. There have been multiple times where…

Ugh.

Why do I do this? Why do I beat myself up? Why do I continue to question everything? Why do I push away people who are trying to get close to me for someone who’s actions show that they hate me?

Why don’t I get excited when someone calls me beautiful if it’s not you?

Why does it take a whisper from you to ignite things inside of me that nothing else can?

I’m sick of feeling guilty. I’m sick of doing or not doing things because I’m afraid of how you would feel or react. It doesn’t matter how you would feel or react because you chose not to be a part of my life anymore.

You made a conscious decision  to not be a part of my life.

You walked away.

You decided that whatever we had was not worth fighting for.

So…

I’m not going to try to hold on to you anymore.

I’m not going to actively be a part of your life anymore.

I’m not going to make decisions based on how I think you will feel or react.

You don’t do anything based on how you think I feel.

You don’t care about how I feel at all.

 

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