A song has been haunting me the last few days… guess I’ll post it here tonight. Music kills me and saves me sometimes at the same time.


I know what it feels like to live half alive.

I do it on the daily.

I give up thinking that the part of me that fell in love with you will ever let you go.

I am now just trying to learn how to live with the fact.

I don’t think there is anything to help me.

I don’t know if there will be anything to bring me back to life.

I sound stupid/pathetic/weak but I don’t give a fuck.

I guess if you have never loved with the depth that I have then there is no way you could ever understand.

I know I could never understand this had I not been thrown in face first and had to live it.

I don’t wish this hurt on anyone.

Well, anyone but you.

I wish you would know what this hurt feels like. I wish you would have to beg for sleep at night while trying to ignore the ugly thoughts that run through your head on repeat only to haunt you in your dreams. I wish you knew what it felt like to love someone with every part of your being only to be slapped in the face and forced to face the facts that all the love they vowed to you was nothing but liesand worse yet they were leaving you, forever. I wish you would know the feeling of trusting someone with your heart and soul only to stand by helplessly and watch them shatter you into something that is unrecognizable. I wish you would have to then watch that person walk away unscathed, into the arms of someone half their age, and flaunt some fake ass love in your face. I wish I was able to find some ‘bandaid’ type of love to throw myself into so I didn’t have to face the reality of what would never be. I wish I could only think with my genitals and not give a fuck what my soul said. I wish I could tell you that long distance kills me only to throw myself right into another one, one that is even more likely to fail than anything because it’s literally made up from make believe and fairy tales.

I wish you knew the love you threw away. I wish you realized when you walked away just how much love you were throwing away.

That’s the funny thing about wishes tho, you can wish until your blue in the face but unless it’s meant to be.


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