Random Wednesday writing… Snarfles this sucks balls.

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I havent used my computer in a long time to post. Ive been using another laptop/pad/kindle/my phone etc. I feel like my fingers feel at home here. These keys are the ones that have felt every letter typed to our story. These are the keys who have witnessed my tears/screams/laughs/moans/giggles/sighs/worries/everyfuckingthing for so long now.

Enough about the keys tho. I’m not here to write a review on my keypad I’m here to spill my guts and tell my sad story.

I don’t even really know what to say.

I have such a hard time being angry at you because how am I supposed to have anger towards someone who doesn’t love me? How can I fault someone for something they do or do not feel for me or for someone else?

I can’t.

But I know what I can fault you for is the way you lied and treated me for a year after knowing you had found someone else. I can fault you for the things you said and the way you used my love for you in sick and twisted ways. I can fault you for making me your cumdumpster for the better part of a year and taking something that came from a real place from me and turn it into you just trying to rub one out. I can fault you for calling me everyfuckingtime you were drunk and telling me how much you loved/missed/wanted/needed me but really only trying to fill your time until she came back from whatever/whoever she was doing and decided to pay attention to you again.

I could list all of these terrible faults and many more but really they are just my way of trying to make my sadness hurt less and the anger take some of the pain away.

But really nothing will make it hurt any less.

Nothing will take the hurt away but you being back and US being US.

That will never happen.

I will now just take each step one baby step at a time and write my way through it.

Ok well I’ve a Skype-date tonight.

And I’m spending it in my pj’s with my hair in a bun.

Fun times lol.

I’m wearing mascara and lip gloss at least right?

In other news I forget that people out there read these words that I write. I don’t really think about anybody else when I write but lately I have been getting some really supportive words from readers and I just want to say thanks. I’m humbled that you even take the time to read my soulache. I’m sorry if my words seem redundant I can get caught up in a thought and become a bit of an ‘over-writer’ at times. But this blog has saved me more times than I would like to admit. Hearing your support and encouragement helps me during my dark and lonely times.

So thank you.

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1 Comment

  1. pippa

     /  February 5, 2015

    Oh. This is lovely. I know every single feeling you’ve shared here. I’m listening to “farewell” by Rosie Thomas right now and having little cry. Hugs.

    Reply

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