I wrote this to Moon December 21st, 2014… it’s only taken a year to post it.

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I have these moments of pure disgust for you and the way that you have so many times disregarded my feelings.

An anger that is indescribable builds inside and it makes my stomach turn and my skin tingle when I think about how I know that you still use the same lips that try to convince me of how much you love me to try to convince your new girl of exactly the same things with most likely the same lines…

Maybe you were right when you said that I will never be able to let the past about her go… but do you know why?

Because you have never once let her go.

You have lied to me, most definitely her, and everyone else.

You are pathetic with the way you try to use the love that I have for you to your advantage. You come to me when your little pet is out with people and friends her own age but run right back to her if she shows you any sign of attention.

I am even more pathetic for giving you an outlet.

I won’t any longer.

Next time you are so intoxicated that you can hardly send a coherent text, your dick is raging, and you’re feeling sorry for yourself… Call her(Oh wait.. I’m sure you did but she was not available to you) tell her how you want to end it all and how you have fucked up and feel so terrible. How nothing is worth it and blah fucking blah blah blah…

Because the reason why you want to give up has nothing to do with the fact that you lost me and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that you know your little band-aid isn’t a permanent fix, or a permanent ANYTHING, but you’re so fucking addicted to her it’s become sickening.

But I’ll be the hater and the bitch and the whatever the fuck else you want me to be.

And just like that the anger and hurt has taken over and replaced any good that I have felt with you.

It’s so easy to hold on to the hurt and anger. It’s so easy to become lost in it and let it take over. It’s too easy to sit back and let the anger flow from my soul through my fingertips at lightening fast speed and replace all the longing I have for you with dislike. If I hold on to all this bad then I can’t focus on how much I hurt from all the great that you made me feel.

And do you think after all of this that I hate you?

No fucking way…

I hate myself.

More than I could ever hate another being… almost as much as I hate the love that you have for Her… almost.

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6 Comments

  1. oceanusperigean

     /  December 22, 2015

    I know I have written before about also having a moon. It was a quote you used once that had me found your blog because I had searched it. Lead me here and I could never stop reading. After three years of my moon being my best friend and love I have found he has not been true, and still tries to lie to my face… Your words have given me courage and hope I will survive my waves letting go the pull, and have the tide become once again quiet. I am glad you posted. Those of us who read your words know your alive and okay. I guess I will end this with thank you for being an inspiration.

    Reply
  2. Pathetically me

     /  December 22, 2015

    Terribly needed therapy. God I’d it even worth it.

    Reply
  3. Sakura

     /  January 9, 2016

    I have been reading your blog since the past 6 month. I’ve met a guy whom sharing me about his moon. How he was feeling down when his moon past away. He even uploaded a notes that is given by his moon during his college life. And that notes bring me to this site. I’ve started to realize that he is a big liar since then. He created that bullshit story just to get sympathy from the girl and he has been doing it to quite lots of girl. Even the notes which he claimed to written his moon was the same as i found in your blog. Since first i get to know about the truth, i was so upset and feeling down..as i have started to develop feelings toward him. Its hard to accept when a guy make jokes of your feelings for his own satisfaction..just to fill in his boring life i guess…and im the one who suffer when i know the truth. He is even married with 2 kids but have been lying that he is single. It took me almost 3 months to at least recover from the frustation with what he did..and since then i have been following your writing..everything you wrote i can feel you and your writing really catches my heart..i hope you will continue to be strong..and i hope that one day you will find the person who really makes you happy and forget all the pain that you have been enduring. Tq dear for not giving up. Your story really give me motivation & inspiration to keep walking

    Reply
    • I’m so sorry you lied to.. what do you mean the notes he claimed to write were the same as on my blog?

      Reply
      • Sakura

         /  January 14, 2016

        I’ve commented on the post which u wrote in July 2012. He claimed that the note given by his ex-girl.when i started to realize about his lies, i found that photo on google and it directed me to your blog. That was the first time i realize about the existence of your blog and it really touches my heart. I can feel the emotion through your writing and since then been following you..even though im frustrated to know that i have been lied by i guy whom i have trusted the most before..at least im lucky to be able to find the truth earlier..god saved me from a wrong guy.

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