I’m currently eating popcorn cakes, drinking coffee, and attempting to you write. All while The Little Mermaid plays in the background.
This weekend was exhausting.
I am currently actively participating in a relationship that is full of open and honesty, just only to certain people, that includes sleeping with others but not each other. Although every time we are alone together we are drawn to each other like magnets. My body reacts to him in ways that it has never reacted to anything before, and if you scroll back far enough here you will see that I have experienced some pretty amazing shit in my life while just writing here alone and the things I’m speaking of here make that look like child’s play, and it doesn’t even have to be provoked sexually. I am referring to simple looks from across the room, our eyes meeting and a smile formed, fingers slowly ran down my arms, a back rub, if there is any sort of sexual provoking just get outta here! It’s game over! All senses are lost, nothing else exists in that moment, I exist as one with Him and no one else.
It is magical.
And scary as fuck.
He’s dating someone else.
I live with the Baby Daddy.
We met during a time when both of us were not looking for anything more that some dating distractions while trying to navigate newly single life again.
But our souls met and it was like they were reunited after a lifetime of missing each other and reconnected within seconds of finding themselves again.
We were helpless to what was happening. I hung on to the craziness of the ride not knowing that it would last.
But here we are, over a year later we are still drawn to each other. We still return to the other seeking comfort in the absence of happiness the other experiences too. Both desperately trying to fill voids that were impossible to achieve.
We have been tried by some pretty big life events.
And yet we long to be together.
Did I mention that He spends the weekends banging someone else. And I’m supposed to be okay with that and sadly I am.
Cuz I can’t be who He wants me to be. I am too chicken shit to uproot my family.
Good mommies don’t do that right?