The privilege of meeting, knowing, and loving you… I’ll never forget it.

Dear Universe,

I thought I smelled Him today.

For a split second, in the middle of 1 of the busiest places to be, with thousands of people around, I caught myself searching the crowd for Him. I was convinced that He would be right there, he had to be, I could fucking smell him.

But as quickly as it came it was gone.

And I was left standing in the middle of a stream of flowing people, searching for someone who will never be close enough for me too smell again.

I miss Him so bad.

I wake up each morning and 1 of the first things I do is look at His picture. And at night when I’m tossing and turning, I pull out my phone and stare at His picture, again. I usually throw in an I love you… or even I miss you…

I miss His face, smile, eyes, beard, hands, fingers, lips… you get the point I’m sure.

I don’t know if I will ever stop missing Him.

This is such a different connection and relationship than anything I’ve ever experienced before and the severing of it is torture.

I’m trying my hardest to write but honestly even having to type these thoughts into reality is making my stomach hurt.

I just keep telling myself that He chose to be where he is. I’m not saying that I didn’t help make his decision a little bit easier being so chicken shit…. but he is ultimately responsible for his own choices, regardless of what I did or did not do.

I’m just trying to keep reminding myself that.

I’m failing.

Miserably.

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