I die every second we aren’t together… And you don’t even notice that I’m gone.

just like that

I haven’t called or text you all day.

Did that stop the thoughts of you from running through my head constantly?

FUCK NO!!

I literally had to stop myself from reaching out to you all day. Every second I think of you.

And it kills me that you don’t ever think of me.

It kills me that you are just fine living the rest of your life without me.

Were you relieved today that I was not bothering you?

Did it feel good to not have to avoid my call/text all day long? Did you even notice that I haven’t called?

Have you thought about me at all today?

Do you ever think about me?

Do you think about what life is like without me and does it make you happy?

Are you excited to live the rest of your life without me?

I spent the day concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other so that I wouldn’t stumble and fall. I focused on taking in deep breaths so that I wouldn’t forget to breathe. I constantly had to talk myself out of contacting you and tried to distract myself from thinking of you and how I would survive the next few seconds without you.

How will I survive a fucking lifetime more?

Will I?

Do I even want to?

It doesn’t matter if I want to or not because I have to.

You decided to live without me and now I have to learn how to live each second without feeling anything but dead and empty.

I miss you every fucking second of every fucking day and I will for ever.

I love you.

I’m yours.

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If I let go do you hate me for always? If I let go will you think that I didn’t try hard enough to keep you? What else could I possibly do to prove my love for you?

Nothing.

I’ve done it all. There’s nothing left to do. But let go.

Please don’t think that because I’m letting go out means that you mean any less to me. Please don’t think that there is any reason other than if I don’t let go I’m going to drive myself crazy trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t want to be held and I’m already crazy enough.

Please know that whatever I’m doing its only because I’m trying to survive and that with you is where I would rather be every time.

Just know that even though I’m living a piece of me is dead. You killed it. And now I have to try to learn to live thru it.

Oh that’s right… you don’t care about me anyway.