Not even donuts taste the same.

Dear Universe,

I don’t want to not know Him anymore.

I can’t stop from missing him.

I miss his scruff. I miss his touch. I miss his kids.

I still find my throat going dry, my heart racing, and tears streaming down to my neck, at any given memory.

It sucks.

And it hurts.

It’s hard to remember to forget when he was literally a part of almost every piece of my life for 3 years.

He’s every love song that comes on.

He’s every lavender bubble bath I take.

He’s in every crash of the waves.

He’s every full moon and star.

He’s every pork chop I force myself to cook.

He’s every donut I choke down.

He’s everything.

He’s not mine.

Help me.

I don’t know how I will sleep tonight without you… I won’t.

The last few nights/days have been so amazing with you. I can’t tell you how much I love every second I spend with you, even if it is only laying in bed reading while you ‘shop’ on Amazon (you naughty, naughty boy, you) I love it. I love falling asleep and every time I am woken from a horrible dream you are there to love me back to sleep again.

I will miss you tonight. I will lay awake most of the night I’m sure, while staring into the darkness longing for your love. I wish I had the time to write more without being interrupted but its not a possibility with the wee ones.

I love you.

I miss you.

I’m yours.