Just close your eyes, you’ll be all right… At least, that is what I keep telling myself.

I always feel Safe and Sound in your arms…

I’m not home, I attempted to get out of the house today but still feel like I am bursting at the seams with ideas, thoughts, fears, and all the other shit up there. I don’t know how much longer I can avoid talking about everything. I don’t know how much longer you will allow me to keep you at arms distance. I have so many mixed feelings about all of this. You, me, US, not to mention the scary beast that I live with on a daily basis. I might just have to break down and spew some venom here but I haven’t decided yet. I guess if it gets bad enough I won’t really have a choice and it will just happen. That’s how I like it anyways, to just happen. That is the reason I have this, because I love the way I feel after I write. But I haven’t been getting that feeling lately. There is so much darkness and evil surrounding me that I feel strangled by it all and then it gets stuck and nothing happens.

I am too distracted to write anymore now. I will tonight. I have to tonight. Or I just might burst….

Miss you. Love you. Need you.

I have decided that… No Sex Sunday’s really SUCK!!

Fuck. I had so much I was going to say but now that I am sitting here I am BLANK!! Maybe its because there is so much running amok up there and trying to get out its just a big clusterfuck.

Its dark up there, I know that much. It’s not a pretty place right now. Oh yea, I wanted to thank you for saving me from the Yellow Line earlier. Thank you f r being there as much as you can. I don’t know how I would be surviving right now without you. This happens to scare me even more.

The swimming I did today was perhaps just what my exhausted mind needed. The screams and yells of delight from the kids in the pool were just enough to distract me from what was going on up there. I liked it. I miss it. I missed it as soon as I got into the silent car, well, until I turned the music up and had a dance party that is (:

Okay, I really don’t know what else I have tonight. I seem to be making tons of errors as I type which is so unusual. Usually the words flow from my fingers as smoothly as words from my mouth but not tonight. I am done backspacing and correcting its annoying me.

I miss you. I always miss you. I need you. I always need you. I love you. I will always love you.

Goodnight my Moon. I love you.

PS. I take back what I said last weekend about No Sex Sundays… I think… at least for now I do (: