You don’t care.
I want to hate you.
I hate me.
I hate ever believing or trusting you.
I hate that not only did I give you my heart I gave you my soul.
My sister saved me tonight.
I sent out an s.o.s. and she was here in under fifteen minutes.
She had to pick me up off the floor, literally.
She listened with tears in her eyes as I cried my broken soul out to her.
She stayed with me for hours.
She tried to make me laugh. She tried to help me understand how you could be so heartless? She was angry at you with me. She wanted to kick and punch you with me. She wants you to hurt like me. She tried to make me believe that you do care about me. She tried to help me accept that you and I had to be dead. She took care of my littles when I couldn’t even lift my head up due to sobbing uncontrollably. She comforted me. She loved me. She did everything a sister would and could do.
But it doesn’t stop the ache in soul.
It doesn’t take away the hurt from losing you.
It doesn’t make letting go of a forever that we had planned any easier.
I took the time tonight to delete, almost, everything from you on my phone. I died each time I clicked remove. I die each breath I take with the realization that there will never be a you and I. I believe it now. I can feel that you at truly gone. You have been for sometime now, but I finally feel the loss of you from me.
I feel empty.
More empty than you could ever imagine.
And it’s terrifying.
I lost my soul mate and love and reason of my being to a 18 year old kid…
I want to die.
I have nothing to give.
You left me thru Facebook messages with your new girlfriend and text.
Way to treat a lady.
The worst part off it all…
I didn’t even try to reach out to you all night begging you to be with and love me.
Usually I’d be blowing you up and going crazy but tonight I am typing this on my cellphone. Hands shaking. Head aching. Stomach churning. Mind racing. Heart breaking.
And I haven’t contacted you once.
Not even after she messaged me on Facebook again to tell me how you’re telling her everything I say about her and blah blah blah…
It doesn’t matter anymore.
Everything from you was fake.
I loved you for nothing.
I was thinking again about deleting this blog but I want to keep it here because it is and always has been the realest and truest love story I’ve ever imagined.
And even tho your love was not real every ounce of mine has been.
Someday you might wonder if a love that was ever lasting did exist.
I want you and anybody else to know that it does.
I’m so ashamed of myself.
I want to die.
I’m already dead.
You really did get the ultimate fuck you to me…