I was gonna write but… ummm… I am a bit too distracted at the moment. I miss you.

I’m assuming you can tell what’s distracting me…

I hate work. Ughhh…. I’m off to shower, thank god for hand held shower heads (:

I miss you. RawR

 

 

 

One doesn’t forget about ones Moon. Ever.


Guilty. Guilt. Tons of it. Everywhere I turn, everywhere I look. I can’t escape it. And I fucking hate it. I don’t like to feel guilty. I don’t do things that make me feel guilt. Guilt is an emotion that I avoid but for some reason I am smothered in it.

I have to focus on my situation here. I have to focus on making here livable again. I got so lost in US; the blackness crept in and almost stole everything from me. I need my attention to be here. You are distracting. You are what I dream about. US is the love you read about in those sappy fucking romance novels. But US can’t be. Not now.

I’m sorry.

I’m still going to write you. I know that walking away right now is going to be one of the hardest things I have done. But I have to. I will try to write whenever I have the urge to talk to you. I am hoping I will find comfort in writing to you because you have always cared so much about what I have to say. Everything. Even the stupid, dumb, whiney, bullshit that I usually give you. You would sit there, listen, and love.

Thank you. Thank you for being strong for me. Thank you for not making this any harder than it already is. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for loving. Thank you for being you. Thank you for showing me what love should feel like. Thank you for showing me that I could feel a love like US, a love so fierce, passionate, intense, and powerful that the memories are burned into my soul forever.

I will miss you.

I already do. I miss you the second we part. I always do.

I won’t say good bye. Now or ever.

Until we meet again my Moon. I love you.

 

A distracting, chaotic, jumbled, mess. I hope you enjoy. Love you.

Is it really already Easter?! Wasn’t it JUST Christmas last week? Has the year already flown by so fast? I feel like I have been living in a fog the last few months. Like I can’t even look back and see what I did because all there is a misty fog filled nothing. I suppose I could go back and read the blog but you know how I HATE to read what I write. I still find it funny when I read something and have no idea how the words got onto the page. I haven’t been able to get lost in my writing in so long. It makes me feel like I can’t take a full breath. When I can write and release whatever it is that is affecting me I just feel better, like I can breathe and everything seems crisp and clear, when memories are like watching mini bad homemade movie clips in my head, the kind that are super cheesy but bring tears to your eyes, rather than creepy darkness and nothing that shows up in black and white stills.

Completely distracting myself now and gonna talk about Easter. Think I am gonna make a new recipe for twice baked yams for tomorrow. I think it will help keep my mind busy to pass the time. I am always amazed at how fast the days go when I keep myself busy and distracted. So I will be busy baking for tomorrow. Shall I tell you what’s on the menu (: How completely annoying I’m sure but whatever at least I am writing. I will be keeping myself busy tomorrow preparing the ham, mashed potatoes, those yam thingy’s I was talking about, I am gonna try to make these cute little deviled eggs but I don’t know how or if they will turn out so I will let ya know since I’m sure you are dying to know (: I am also gonna try to make this yummy bread pull apart thingy that looked uber yummy and is called Crack Bread, let ya know on that one too. I hope that I actually eat what I make tomorrow. I have a bad habit of not eating when we do big dinners because I am so busy running around the kitchen and getting stuff together that by the time I sit down I am too tired to eat and everyone else is done eating already and who really wants to eat by themselves? Anywhoo…

Oh yea and of course we are dying Easter Eggs and going to a Glow in the Dark Easter Egg hunt at a friends parents. I am soooooo excited to see how the hunt will go. I do love all things dark, especially cool glowing things (:

I am sure that I have bored you enough with my nothings but it feels good to write. Anything. So I am wondering if this too will become one of those ‘deleted’ posts that I keep sending to the blog graveyard. I don’t think so actually because you would care about every little stupid thing I had to say here. Because you are amazing. And this is for YOU and US and no one else. I need to stop worrying about what someone might think, unless that someone is you of course, because I spend so much time to trying to edit and censor my shit on here that I get stuck because this is the one place where I am not supposed to have to ‘fake’ it. If I am on the edge and shit is dark and scary and ugly then who fucking cares. I should just let it out. I have to keep reminding myself that this is for all things US. All things good, bad, ugly, beautiful, scary, dark, amazing, hurtful, sad, happy, CrAzY, sexy, anything US. This is where it belongs.

OURS just came on (: Makes me smile. I can take a full breath. Reminds me that…

The stakes are high, the water’s rough, but this love is oUrS….

I am sorry that things have been so dark lately. I am hoping that as soon as we get to actually be US again that everything else fill fall back into place. At least that is what has always happened before when I got lost. It took one or two amazing days of US to open the flood gates and break through but once it did the love of US wrapped itself around me so tightly that I don’t think I could have shook it if I had wanted to. I need that again. I need US again. I feel like the gods are against US right now and it really sucks. But I guess if it is meant to be then it will be.

I miss you. I thought about you all day. I will talk to you in the morning my love. I can’t wait to spend the morning with you. Wrapped in your arms, snuggled in the love of US. I can hardly wait. I feel like a kid before Christmas, can’t sleep, but want to sleep as soon as possible so that it will be morning already. Maybe I will try some melatonin tonight? I have heard it helps. Let’s hope so.

I love you. I miss you. Is it morning yet? Rawr….