T-minus 2 days and counting… Take me to the river, drop me in the water.

Two more days and I will be in the middle of the woods, surrounded my sun, stars, and a river to calm my soul. You won’t be there. You won’t ever be there again. I am still struggling with that. Obviously.

You will be a part of everything I do. I will be reminded of you in everything I do this weekend and I am wondering how I will cope with that. I am wondering if the sun will be able to chase the cold that has wrapped itself around me. I am hoping I will be able to hide the sad of my eyes behind my big black sunglasses. I don’t know if I have what it takes to fake the smiles anymore. I am most scared that the nothing will take over and that I won’t be able to do or feel anything because how do you hide nothing? How can you fake anything when you feel fucking nothing?

I keep thinking of the river, hoping it will be able to pull out of this black pit that I am barely hanging onto the side of. I feel like at anytime the grasp that I have will give and I will go tumbling down and never be able to make it out again. I don’t know how many times I can be so close to the edge before the edge crumbles right beneath my grip, not giving me the chance to hang on any longer.

I’m glad that you are holding strong. I know that sounds fucked up but I don’t really care. If you weren’t strong enough to walk away then we both know I would never be, and we would be stuck in this fucking cycle of US forever.

I remember when US and forever in the same sentence sounded like a fairytale not this fucking nightmare.

I miss US.

Goodbye…

The T.M.I Award… take 2,332,222,124… you suck WordPress!!

Why when my head is loudest is it so hard to write to you? I would think that with all the screaming thoughts up there I would at least be able to pull something out and get it down. But nope. Not a chance. So I am putting on some Pandora and hoping to remedy that. In lighter news….

I was nominated for The T.M.I Award (:

SexualLifeOfAWife nominated me. I think she ROCKS, and I thought so BEFORE she nominated me (: Thanks so much for nominating me, thank you even more for your kind words and support, you often bring a warmth to my heart with your encouraging words when things are darkest. Thank you, thank you, thank you! (:

She makes some AMAZING lovin’ with her hubby, and you know I am a sucker for A M A Z I N G (: and BARES it all on her blog. Check it out. Now! Hereis the link again in case you didn’t see the first one (:

 

The T.M.I Award

 

Here’s the low down on it….

The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing and intimate experiences with honesty, humor and little to no filter.

Here are the rules:

  •  Thank the person who presented you with the award.
  •  Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
  •  Share an awkward, embarrassing and intimate story in 250 words or less.
  •  Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.
  •  Present the TMI Blog Award to 5 – 10 deserving blogs.
  •  Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

 

My awkward, embarrassing & intimate story…

OhEmGee… This is still anonymous right?! Hope so, here goes nothing or maybe everything (:

For my birthday a few years back my family and friends through me a little get together at a local bar. Well, I had recently met a new friend in my Psych class that had just moved across country and seemed like a pretty cool chick so I invited her to come along. I didn’t know at the time that she ‘wanted’ me, until we were about 4 drinks in that is. After that it was pretty apparent that she did indeed want to be ‘Lez-be-friends’, which btw I do not have a problem with, I have been known to bat for both teams, just NOT in front of my FAMILY. I spent much of the evening dodging her advances in front of my family except for a drunken moment in the bathroom…

Long story a bit shorter at the end of the evening we have all piled into the DD cars for the night and fuck it, I am calling her Boobs, Boobs got in my car (of course) with my MOM, sister, and my mom’s best friend. I was pretty confident that I had avoided any prying eyes now that the evening was wrapping up.

Boy was I wrong.

As we are driving along home, listening to some music and trying not to get too car sick from all the Pink Panty Droppers we had enjoyed Boob’s not so quietly leans over into my seat and says as LOUD as she fucking can, ‘ Hey, are we still gonna hook up tonight like we talked about in the bathroom?!’

I almost fucking DIED…

I gave her a small smile and completely ignored her question as though I never heard it and hope that everyone else was just as tipsy as I, although my mom was DD…

We did hook up… It was my birthday for fucks sake (:

PS. This took me almost a full 24 hours to get this to post. I don’t know why. But I did and I will be nominating people in the very near future… Sorry if you have already been nominated and also if you don’t want to do it when I nominate you… Fuck it (:

 

The T.M.I Award?! Fo’sho… If WORDPRESS fucking worked right!! Tried to publish 4 TIMES. WordPress KEEPS DELETING THE WHOLE THING!! I will try again tomorrow…FUCK YOU WordPress and Goodnight!!