One of my last of 2012… Oh, why didn’t the World just end.


Oh my, what to write today? Christmas is over. Finally. There are only a few more days left in this year and I’m pretty excited about that. Next year has to be better than this year was right? I don’t think I will make it through another year like this. I know I won’t.
Will next year be the year of US? Or the end if US?
I am almost too afraid to find out.
Days without you are empty. Nights without you are neverending. The few times I’ve been able to sleep with you have been amazing. I’m often scared to spend time with you when the works is dark and silent, it seems so much easier for your love to find it’s way in at those times. I’ve been lucky tho because usually you are so exhausted that you and your amazingness fall asleep before me so I don’t have to fight it for long.
Why is it that everything is so much easier in the night?
I miss you. I love you. I’m sorry.
I’m yours.


I’m finding it harder to ignore the hurt in my soul… I miss you.


I didn’t realize how much I was hoping for The End of the World until I spent ALL of yesterday waiting for the end to come.

I am pretty sure this was going to be about how I couldn’t think of much else than the end finally coming and this weird sense of calm i got when I thought about how the pain and hurt would maybe finally end. Yesterday was supposed to be my fucking out!

Fuck you End of the World for not following through!!

So now instead of wherever I would be I’m stuck here, in hell on earth, with someone who couldn’t care less about me, faking it while trying to f’ing make it, reminding myself to breathe, longing for US and waiting for the next ‘big catastrophe’ that is going to hit, well wishing actually.

It’s the weekend now, I think, and the holidays on top of that so anytime with you seems impossible and that is depressing. I guess I’m going to throw on some music and get lost in it.

I’m sorry. I miss you. I love you.
I’m yours.