I’m feeling more alone & alive than ever and I’m terrified… You should be too.

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It’s been way too fucking long….

TGIF?

TGImstillaliveandbarelybreathing is more like it..

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Insomnia writing… What 4am in my head looks like.

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I’m so tired right now I can barely keep my eyes open. Do you think that stopped your text messages from replaying over and over in my mind…

Yea, not at all.

Should I be mad that they last few times you have attempted to call you have been either angry or distant?

Am I mad that instead of telling me how you miss me you’re telling me how you’re horny and how I don’t miss you blah blah…?

Probably not.

I’m probably just trying to ignore the tickling in my belly from getting anything from you. I’m fighting the tingle that you, no matter why or for how long, were thinking of me enough too even message me at all.

It’s not getting easier btw. It’s getting harder the longer it is. It’s hurting more the longer I go without hearing you. Thoughts of you moving on and finding someone else cut through me like hot knives. Thinking of you making someone else feel the way you made me feel takes my breath away. Knowing you will find someone else and give them the love that was supposed to be mine hurts in a way nothing else has.

Let’s not get into that tonight tho. I think it’s slumber time here, as it is finally silent in my house.

At least for now..

Nighty night.

Being up since zero-dark-stupid had resulted in No Title Sunday… Sorry about that.

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I should be sleeping. That is what normal people do on Sunday mornings.

I hate normal people.

I haven’t been writing as much as i would like, partly due to the inconvenience of writing on a cell as opposed to keyboard but also just don’t know what to say anymore. Or don’t know how to say what I’m thinking/feeling. The worst is when I know exactly what to write and how to write it but don’t have the time. Its times like those I wish there was a way to screenshot my thoughts to save for a later time, like now when the thoughts and feelings are there but too jumbled to get out.

It could be due to the lack of sleep, exhaustion, loneliness, hurt, or a mixture of them but what ever it is I’m annoyed and over it.
I can tell that this is going nowhere good so perhaps I should just end it now.

I miss you. I need you, in my life, always. I don’t remember what it is like to be wrapped in US but I know if I’m not reminded soon I might not make it much longer…

I love you.

I’m yours.

I don’t really have words this morning, just happy smiles and tingly everything’s… Thank you. I love you.

Is it just me or is the sun shining brighter today? Am I the only one who feels like they are floating on the clouds? I feel like I have spent the morning with my feet barely touching the ground as I float from task to task with a smile on my face and a tingle in my… everywhere (:

I don’t even know what to say about last night, the early hours of morning, waking at dawn scared and looking for you, like I often do, but you were here so I was lulled back to sleep by the sounds of you sleeping and the warmth of your love; and I am positive I have no words for the wake up you gave me this morning.

You never cease to amaze me with your ability to love, to make love; if there have ever been any words spoken in this universe that I want to believe in they were whispered/moaned/groaned from the love produced from US last night. I truly found myself lost in a jumbled mess of US-ness and it was amazing.

I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know what I have done to deserve a love like yours but I only hope I am worthy of it. I hope I don’t lose it. I feel like we lost a part of US along the way but last night proved that there is nothing lost from US.

I know now what the true loss of US feels like and I will do any and everything for the rest of my days to not feel that agony again. And I think that last night you showed me that you feel the same. I love you. I heard every whispered word and felt every tender touch of yours. Thank you. I love you more than I ever thought possible. Please stay.

I felt US last night. I feel US right now. She is not letting me forget any detail of the last 14 hours and I am sooooo okay with that. Just writing the last few words have my breasts tingling and aching for your touch again. I am seriously having trouble fighting back the tingle. And the thought of having to wait at least 2 more hours is killing me, and that is if you don’t have to do something after work today, well something besides me…

I hope this feeling lasts. I hope the love of US is healing the parts of my soul that need it because I am definitely feeling US in ALL other parts today (:

I love you.

I miss you.

I can’t wait to be with you again. I will be waiting. In my panties. And maybe a pair of heels.

Please don’t make me wait long. I don’t know if I can….

I’m yours.

 

 

 

 

 

I’m ready to be in your arms again… Feeling a love only US can.

I love you. I love listening to you. I love hearing you, I really love hearing you (: I love the way you love me. I love the way you calm me or bring me back to US when I most need it.

I miss you. I miss you every second we are apart. I’m sorry we are apart so much.

I love you.

I was gonna write but… ummm… I am a bit too distracted at the moment. I miss you.

I’m assuming you can tell what’s distracting me…

I hate work. Ughhh…. I’m off to shower, thank god for hand held shower heads (:

I miss you. RawR

 

 

 

I have decided that… No Sex Sunday’s really SUCK!!

Fuck. I had so much I was going to say but now that I am sitting here I am BLANK!! Maybe its because there is so much running amok up there and trying to get out its just a big clusterfuck.

Its dark up there, I know that much. It’s not a pretty place right now. Oh yea, I wanted to thank you for saving me from the Yellow Line earlier. Thank you f r being there as much as you can. I don’t know how I would be surviving right now without you. This happens to scare me even more.

The swimming I did today was perhaps just what my exhausted mind needed. The screams and yells of delight from the kids in the pool were just enough to distract me from what was going on up there. I liked it. I miss it. I missed it as soon as I got into the silent car, well, until I turned the music up and had a dance party that is (:

Okay, I really don’t know what else I have tonight. I seem to be making tons of errors as I type which is so unusual. Usually the words flow from my fingers as smoothly as words from my mouth but not tonight. I am done backspacing and correcting its annoying me.

I miss you. I always miss you. I need you. I always need you. I love you. I will always love you.

Goodnight my Moon. I love you.

PS. I take back what I said last weekend about No Sex Sundays… I think… at least for now I do (: