Will I ever be more than just a phone call or text to you? Probably not.

monster in you

I’m sorry.

I really want to give up right now. I really want to say fuck it and forget about all of this bullshit.

But I’m pretty sure that tomorrow will come, fuck, and that your friends will go back home, the alcohol will wear off, the sun will rise, the headaches will set in and you will somehow appear from the shadows like tonight didn’t happen. Like you didn’t ignore every phone call and text that I have sent for the last 3 hours. Like you aren’t going to come up with some lame ass excuse and some half ass apologies.

And you want me to travel across the country for you?!

Yea… Like that is gonna happen.

You can keep your excuses and apologies. Because I want nothing to do with them. I want nothing to do with you or any of your lies any longer.

So next time you want to go ‘visit your son’ (read: take a trip to the rez with who the fuck knows who but apparently someone that you can’t talk to your GIRLFRIEND in front of) just stay there. Away from me.


Wide awake, another sleepless night… I miss you.

It’s really starting to snow out now. It has been off and on for a few days but now, now its really snowing (: my favorite kind of snow the big huge feathery flakes that even though they are madly falling and wildly out of control from afar they look as though they are peacefully floating to the ground. I am in front of the window in the living room with the curtains wide, the blinds pulled all the way up even though I am freezing my ass off, and I love it. I am starting to feel that tingle of excitement that I feel when it snows. I haven’t felt it yet and I was sadly missing it, like I am missing you.

I miss you; I wish you were here to snuggle up with. I am trying to breathe in the love and release all of the ‘not so loving’ feelings. I miss you. I can’t sleep; I haven’t really been able to. I should try to now. I miss you, although I may have said that already.

Goodnight my Moon. Rawr