Some nights getting personal is what I do best. . . Sorry I’m not sorry.

if love again

You have ruined orgasms for me.
I don’t know how to type too much without being TMI but before you orgasms, I thought, were fantastic sometimes border lining on amazing.
Then my soul met you and orgasms were one in a long list of many things that were forever changed.
Tonight I’m talking about the orgasms.
You’ve been gone for so many moons I have lost count.
I have had quite a few orgasms since that terrible day in the summer; some of them with you most of them without.
I have had orgasms by myself.
I have had orgasms for others.
I have had orgasms with others.
I have had orgasms with new lovers.
I have had orgasms with old lovers.
And then I have had orgasms with you.
And nothing compares.
It has nothing to do with the sex either.
It has any and everything to do with the way we connected on every level. When we were ‘together’ it was like every cell in our bodies was connected to the other person. When you whispered in my ear I felt it all the way down to the soles of my feet. When we would orgasm I felt it in every sense of my being, physical/emotional/mental. My body and soul respond and connect to you in a way that I don’t think it’s capable of doing with any other; at least not for a very, very, very long time.
Did I get too personal tonight?
I’m sorry.
No I’m not.
This is my place.
Personal is my thing.
I am sorry that I wont be connecting with you in those ways anymore. I’m saddened that you now have connected with someone else in these ways. Just typing it makes my skin crawl, my nose burn, the tears well in my eyes, and my heart is racing.
I will never get over the love you have for anyone else.
How the fucking fuck did you get over this love?
The only thing I can think of is you got over it because you never felt it on the level I did. That is the only explanation possible. Because if you did then there is no fucking way you would let anything come between it.
Fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
And I still don’t feel any better.
I’m off to eat sushi and watch the Labyrinth.
I’ll wallow in my sorrow with Hoggle. He makes me feel a little bit better.

Amaze me with the gentleness of US baby. Please. I need to be reminded.

I miss the soft and gentleness of US. I miss the way US would spread its tingle over me like silk. Everything around me feels so hard and rough. I feel like I have been jerked and tossed around so much that there is a rigidness to me now. Like I am on constant alert, always prepared for the impact.

I miss the feelings of US. I miss the way US flowed so smoothly. Like it was just supposed to be. One amazing moment into the next. There were no rough or jagged edges just smoothness and this odd calming feeling full of this amazing unexplainable tingle and sparkle.

I miss the way you make love to me. I don’t often talk about our love making. But I miss it. I miss the way you found your pleasure in all things me. I miss the way you would steal my breath from the first whisper often times not returning it until long after we lay spent with each other. I miss lying with you and feeling the most amazing I have ever felt in my entire life. The after is just as amazing as what brought us there. There is something about the after that is not a feeling I am familiar with. It is like being in the most peaceful, loving, place. The closeness I feel with you is unexplainable. Like we are one. There is just US. One soul.  

I miss you. I miss US.
I love you.