This is the best part… And other things I used to believe.

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You’re still here huh? I was thinking you might be. You keep saying you’re never leaving me, but you know how I don’t believe in anything like that, and somehow you haven’t yet.

I was going to go somewhere with this early. I can tell because I titled and saved, which I rarely do without having wrote a substantial amount, ‘write/scream/cry/plead/whine THEN title’ that’s what I always say, but i don’t know were it was.

Maybe I was trying to remind myself to write about something when I had the time.

I’m sure it was about this afternoon, and lastnight, and how I soooooo miss being with you, being US, but how I have somehow locked away all the good and made myself forget what US feels like. (I’m guessing that’s it since all of a sudden i feel like i have a million things to write about)

Hearing you say, ‘This is the best part, afterwards…’ brought a memory of before with it that almost took my breathe away.

I remembered thinking the same thing some time ago. I vaguely remember laying there, trying to catch my breathe, heart still racing, body still tingling, and thinking, ‘Fuck, this is what amazing must feel like.’ I can remember a feeling so intense with you that it was like our souls intertwined, my being became your being, sparks felt like they were running along my skin, I felt the love of US like I have never felt anything before; and I’m sure never will again.

I remember then thinking, this can’t be real, people don’t feel this. I remember trying to convinc that i was imaging things, trying to not let myself believe a feeling so foreign.

I must have done a pretty good job because I was able to block it out, not believe…

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I don’t believe… If I ever believe in anything it will be you. I promise.

I’m sorry. Just because I don’t believe… doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

I’m yours.

Take it slow baby. I want to make love… Whispered words that are playing on repeat right now. Damn, I want you. Again.

I should be spending my time doing something more productive like cleaning the house but I don’t want to. I want to write out all the amazing I am feeling. I want to put it here, where it belongs, for US to come back to and be reminded of what we are capable of being.

I don’t know how you know when I need to feel loved. I don’t know how you can snap be back to US so quickly. I don’t care how you do, I only care that you keep doing it.

When the lunch and the shower went forgotten I assumed it would become what it usually does, a frantic fuck session. No way was I expecting the soft, tender, love or the gentle, whisper like caresses. Your whispered love spoke straight to my soul, igniting a fire and snatching my breath. I spent almost an hour riding the dips and swells of orgasmic bliss.  

I know that there is no way that one amazing, soul grasping, orgasmic day could ‘fix’ US completely but I know that we are on the way. I know that no matter where the path leads US or what is put in our way we will be standing side by side, soul to soul, always.

I love you.

I’m yours.