I often wonder how long you will ‘Understand’… I’m hoping forever. I’m wishing for always. I’m expecting not much longer.

 

So my idea was to get on here and write out all the ugly, nasty, mean words that are floating around in my head but I wont because I know that I am only hurt and sad right now. I know that I am not really angry and wouldn’t mean any of them if I did say them so then having said them would have been for nothing but to be mean. And I am a lot of things but mean is not really one of them. I don’t think anyway.

So instead, all I got for now is an I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for being crabby and bitchy and moody and sad and all the other horrible things I have been lately. I need you, I need you bad but I won’t let myself believe it or even think about it really. So I take all the need and turn it into anger, mostly at myself but some a lot of it leaks out and spills onto you and I’m sorry for that.

I’m sorry for everything.

 

 

 

 

 

DAMN YOU The Bachelorette! You make me miss the butterflies…

I miss US. I miss you. I miss the me that I am when I am with you. I miss the way it was when I didn’t have to force myself to smile, make my self laugh, blah, blah… the stupid dumb TV that I never watch anymore makes me wanna gag. As much as I like the chick I cant help but wanna puke at the lovey dovey shit some of these guys say.

Really? Am I seriously bitching about some fake reality show right now? I think I need to take a FF time out.

Did I mention that I miss you?

I’m sorry.

This is what I am afraid of…

 

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