I want to wake up. I want to find out this was all a sick nightmare. I want you to tell me this was all just a way for you test my love and make sure that it was real and that I passed and you’re mine and you always have and always will be.
None of those things are going to happen.
You are really gone.
You’re not coming back.
You don’t want to be back.
How the fuck can I be writing these words? How can I be talking about us when I type out that you’re gone?!
I can’t accept it, I can’t breathe when I try to so I have given up trying.
I know I’ve said it earlier but I truly feel the absence of you in my soul. I can’t believe that for a whole fucking lifetime I have to go without you.
This is so much worse than I have ever felt before.
Why did you spend so many years stroking my love? Why would you tell me all these fake stories of how you were the one for me? Why would you pretend like you loved me?
I don’t even know what to do. I want to beg you to come back. And then I remember… I did.
You barely heard me.
I want to sleep. I don’t want you to be in my dreams anymore. I don’t want to have to feel the loss of you even while I sleep.
But it doesn’t matter.
You live in my soul. You have been burned into my being. No matter where I go or what I do you are always there, lingering is the pain of you missing, I can’t escape it.
And everything I’m feeling makes me so fucking pathetic I can hardly stand it.
I’m broken. I’m dead. I’m a walking fucking zombie.
All because I believed in a love that wasn’t even fucking real!!!
Why did I believe in you?