I haven’t cried for US in almost a week now, you don’t linger in my every thought… I’m finally letting you go like you did to me so many moons ago.

see that girl I’m eating popcorn and Butterfinger Bites washing em down with good ol’ h2O while watching the Bachelor.

Don’t judge.

I’m trying not to hate on love.

I’m trying not to hate on you. I think it’s working, for the most part. I mean.. I still haven’t really shed any tears for you/US. I still feel ‘okay’.

I have dreamt of you the last several nights. They have been odd. I don’t really remember much about them, I know that we are not a couple usually. For the first time in forever when I wake up I’m not begging and screaming for you, there aren’t tears running down my face and I’m not gasping for breath.

But the sadness is still there sometimes.

These feelings of ‘okay’ are so taboo for me that I am silently waiting for all the pain/tears/hurt/sadness/darkness from the loss of US to come slamming back but I kinda don’t think it will and I am more than ready to accept that.

I can finally see a future without you in it. I can finally see a day where I’m not looking/waiting for you every second.I have finally went days without crying for you. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad.

My soul screams sad.

My mind longs for happy.

I’m not feeling anything.

I guess that’s a good thing.

I’m hoping by letting go of you and feeling everything without trying to deny or ignore I’m going to be able to love better after this.

One of my biggest fears is I won’t be able to love again. But i think by doing this the right way and not running and pretending to love the closest thing i can, that in the end the love i will be able to offer will be real honest and true.

I won’t tell someone they’re my everything and my world, that i couldn’t live without them or imagine a world without our love only to tell someone else those exact same things almost simultaneously, like you did.

The next time i tell those things to someone I’ll mean them.

Just like i did with you every time i said them, right up until you finally got caught and had to tell me you’d been lying and cheating on me. And still even after, when my heart and soul wouldn’t give up and the love we shared still lingered, I meant it then too. I always have and always will.

Wordless Wednesdayseems like word-vomit Wednesday… Whoopsie.

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I am literally sitting here listening to Pandora play the screams from my soul while I attempt to write because in the past that is one of the few things that saved me. But I am not feeling so ‘saved’ anymore when I write, at least when I write here. I am feeling extra whiney and needy and unwanted, obviously, and I don’t really know why I continue to write to you/about you. I am more than convinced that you are so far healed and beyond me that I can’t even see the shadow of you in the distance anymore, but still I continue to pour my love and what is left of my soul out to you.

I continue to write to you as if you are reading and care.

I don’t know what is wrong with me.

If I continue to write to you is it making letting go of you harder? Or is writing to you my way of ‘letting you go’?

I’m so confused I don’t know what to do so I will just continue to write you out of my soul like I have been.

I will continue to let you slowly leave my life through my writings while I search for myself at the same time.

I know someday I too will be like you and have a new love to write about/love/fuck/kiss/hold/want/need. Someday I will not wake up feeling like I can’t catch my breath with the heaviest ache in my soul you could ever imagine. I mean seriously? Do I have to still feel like I am so lost without you after all this time? Do you think I want to feel this misery? Do you think I don’t wish every second of every day that I could walk away from any and everything US and not look back like you have? Of course I don’t want to hurt and love and want and need someone who doesn’t care about me or want me or love me or need me. I don’t think anyone ever wants that.

But that is what I am stuck with.

An undying love.

I am so scared for when this love does truly die out because I know I will never find something like it.

And that terrifies me more than not feeling anything ever again.

What if I gave you all the love I have and I don’t ever find it again?

What happens then?

What do you care? You’re in love. You’re not lonely and hurting and wondering what you could have done differently. You’re not questioning why the one time you truly believed in love how it could have ended this way. You’re not the one who cries themselves to sleep at night begging for darkness, no dreams because you are always in them and they quickly turn to nightmares.

No. That’s not how you spend your time at all.

You spend it with someone new. Telling them all the amazing things you used to tell me. That’s one of the hardest things about all of this. I know exactly what youre fucking saying and doing with her… because you spent the last 3 years doing the exact fucking same thing to me!!!

Why did I fall for it?

Why did my soul choose you to be forever?

Fucking fuck.

Some nights getting personal is what I do best. . . Sorry I’m not sorry.

if love again

You have ruined orgasms for me.
I don’t know how to type too much without being TMI but before you orgasms, I thought, were fantastic sometimes border lining on amazing.
Then my soul met you and orgasms were one in a long list of many things that were forever changed.
Tonight I’m talking about the orgasms.
You’ve been gone for so many moons I have lost count.
I have had quite a few orgasms since that terrible day in the summer; some of them with you most of them without.
I have had orgasms by myself.
I have had orgasms for others.
I have had orgasms with others.
I have had orgasms with new lovers.
I have had orgasms with old lovers.
And then I have had orgasms with you.
And nothing compares.
It has nothing to do with the sex either.
It has any and everything to do with the way we connected on every level. When we were ‘together’ it was like every cell in our bodies was connected to the other person. When you whispered in my ear I felt it all the way down to the soles of my feet. When we would orgasm I felt it in every sense of my being, physical/emotional/mental. My body and soul respond and connect to you in a way that I don’t think it’s capable of doing with any other; at least not for a very, very, very long time.
Did I get too personal tonight?
I’m sorry.
No I’m not.
This is my place.
Personal is my thing.
I am sorry that I wont be connecting with you in those ways anymore. I’m saddened that you now have connected with someone else in these ways. Just typing it makes my skin crawl, my nose burn, the tears well in my eyes, and my heart is racing.
I will never get over the love you have for anyone else.
How the fucking fuck did you get over this love?
The only thing I can think of is you got over it because you never felt it on the level I did. That is the only explanation possible. Because if you did then there is no fucking way you would let anything come between it.
Fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
And I still don’t feel any better.
I’m off to eat sushi and watch the Labyrinth.
I’ll wallow in my sorrow with Hoggle. He makes me feel a little bit better.

I started this days ago… I’m just now barely able to post it. I’m always just barely breathing.

life moves on

I can’t breathe. I’m writing to try to survive. I am stupid. I was super weak this morning. I am sorry. I have spent over a year now on very little sleep. I looked you up on Facebook. I haven’t in so long. I didn’t even know what I would be able to see since we aren’t ‘friends’ anymore. I was able to see more than I wish I had. I can’t believe you posted a song that has been haunting me for days. You posted it days after it had made it’s presence known over here. I posted it before even thinking about ‘looking for you’.

The breath stealer/heart wrencher/soul crusher? In case all of that isn’t fucking enough. I was also able to see how lovey dovey you and her are. I was able to witness the ‘love’ you guys have. I had to rush to the bathroom to puke. Literally. I have first hand proof that I don’t exist in your world anymore. I am barely a distant memory to you. Everything I gave you was for fucking nothing because you are over and done with any and everything me. I have memories haunting my every move. You exist in almost everything I do.

I have to stop it.

I have to find a way to get rid of you.

Writing to you here is not helping. I have to stop.

I have made a new blog. A blog where US doesn’t exist. The only US that does exist there are tiny little bits and pieces of what once was.

I have to let you go.

I can’t continue to come running to you, even if it’s only in writing, if I want to move on. I don’t feel right even thinking about writing about someone else here and I know that at some point I will have a ‘someone’ else to write about. I mean there has to be more to my story than just US. My story can’t end here. Right? You were just a chapter in my book of life. I thought you were ‘the book’ but I realize now you were simply a few very important chapters to my book as a whole, not my whole book. Silly girl. How easily it was to not see the whole picture until it was too late. Perhaps had I looked at our story in other ways the outcome would be different but it doesn’t matter now.

I guess the story of US has finally come to an end.

It sickens me.

It makes my skin crawl and my stomach churn.

I can’t breathe and don’t think I really want to anymore.

I miss loving you so much already. I missed loving you before. I will miss loving you for always.

I’m so sorry that this is the way that our story ended. I am so sorry that I didn’t realize sooner the mess we were becoming.

I’m not sorry for loving you.

I will never be sorry for that.

Loving you was one of the best things I have ever done.

I hope someone else will be able to love you even better than I was able to someday.

I hope that no matter what at the end of the day you are the man your mom would be proud of and that you show Little Man how to be that man.

Soul-less…

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Good things must be happening for you. I can tell because the ache in my soul is constant. You have been racing through my thoughts/dreams/nightmares at a rapid pace. I can’t escape you. You haunt my every move.

I can only assume it’s my souls way of trying to hang on to you. I have decided that you must be completely letting me go and my soul can feel it. It’s crushing and comforting at the same time. Whatever it was that you thought was worth more than US just might be turning out to be just that. That tears me a part and eases the hurt knowing that if that is truly the case then you truly never were meant to be mine and that I can literally grieve for you forever but you won’t be coming back. And that somehow gives me some sick comfort knowing that I didn’t have to make the decision to not try anymore because the decision was made for me. You have to live with knowing you walked away for something ‘better’. I get to live knowing I tried like crazy for something I believed in and there was literally nothing else I could do. I had exhausted all of my options when it came to US.

I couldn’t show possibly do anything to say or show you how much I loved you because I had done and said it all.

I pushed any and everything away for a love that I truly thought was worth it.

I loved and believed with every ounce of my being.

And I think I loved US to death.

So now I am sitting here with an ache in my soul, silently screaming out for something that will never be mine.

I’m so afraid to let this love go. The love that I have shared here feels like home. What if I truly let it go and I am never able to find a love like it again? What if I mistakenly gave all the love I had here and wasted it on something that was not real and now I don’t have anything left to give anyone else? Or worse what if I never find anyone who even wants my love?

I’m going back to bed.

Wake me never.

I don’t even know how to title anymore because I don’t even remember what I just wrote… And this was written days ago so that doesn’t help either. It’s Sunday, I think I know that much.

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I tried to write about this right after but the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and everyfuckingthing else was too jumbled.

I’m finding it hard to catch my breath just thinking about it. My heart is racing and my toes are tingling. I still haven’t quite processed it. I’m trying not to over think anything. I’ve barely allowed myself to think of it at all.

But my soul knows.

What I am over thinking is what to write, so nothing is coming out correct.

I’m trying to censor my feelings and it’s not working.

So here goes.

Every word you spoke was like a lashing to my soul, ripping through it leaving gaping, oozing wounds behind. Each ‘baby’ that was whispered tore into me like hot knives, stabbing my already broken self. When you spoke of missing US tiny pieces of me fell silently to the floor, crumbling like an old sand castle. But the cincher? Oh, that belongs to you whispering how much you love me. When those words were spoke it was like a flash incineration, leaving nothing in it’s wake but falling ash.

But the amazing that I felt… the amazing made all of that worth it.

Because for a few minutes my soul felt you.

You’re something we’ll never forget.

It took me a few minutes to relax, to stop fighting it. I had to focus on your voice, I had to just listen to the words being spoken instead of hearing the words that were being said. Soon enough the words being said were heard loud and clear and the nerves disappeared. If I allowed myself to be present in this moment only and not think about any past moments or dream of any future I was okay. It wasn’t until you whispered about missing US and asking how much I missed you that I started freaking out again. I needed to only be in this moment right here with you I couldn’t think about anything else between US, it brought on panic and fear. ..

Writing about US used to be so easy.

Now it only reminds me of what I have to live a lifetime without.

I’m sorry if I made the magic of today more than it was but it’s been so long since my soul felt anything that the evidence today that there may still be a chance for my soul is too much not too write about.

For the little while that we spent together it was easy to remember why my soul so desperately needs you, because you feel like home.

And that is more terrifying than anything because you are not something that I get to keep anymore.

And just like that the darkness, so easily, begins to set in again and the tiny flicker of hope in my soul dies out…

Diet Mtn Dew baby New York City… Baby you’re no good for me.

 

wont forget you

I have literally spent years writing about how I’m falling truly/madly/deeply in love with you.

Now I have to struggle to find words to describe falling out of said Love, and it’s soul shattering.

I feel like the words to describe our love the love we once had flow out of me so easily,  almost barely having to think about anything before my fingers just take off and paint the most beautiful picture ever of  a truly amazing love story.

But now I have to train those same fingers to paint the picture of something that is indescribable to me, something so dark and empty that I struggle to find words to put together. Not that I’m not used to writing about dark and empty because I am, don’t get me wrong, I’m all to familiar with that.

It’s what we’ve become that I struggle with. I’m having a difficult time convincing me, that the love that once shined brighter and more brilliantly  than anything earthly imaginable has now become something that is so empty and broken that’s it’s not even recognizable.  I really don’t have words for it and I am sure nobody cares but me anyway.

That doesn’t stop the hurt that I still feel from it, it also doesn’t stop the nightmares that wake me from the small naps that I try to sneak in at night (most people would refer to said naps as sleeping or bedtime, you know where you sleep at least 6 hours maybe even 8, yea I get 2 hour naps, if I’m lucky). Sadly I can try to convince myself all day long with my ‘I am okay, I got this, no one can stop me now’ attitude, but at night when the world is quiet and the house is silent there is no convincing my aching soul…

I wish I could just throw myself into another love like you have but I can’t.

I can’t find it in my broken soul to fake it.

Which only makes me freak out more thinking about how you have moved on and how you tell her how you are in love with her and how you would compare it to the love we had but there is NO way possible that you could have loved the way you said you did and already recovered so quickly AND still have something left over to fall in love just as deeply again…

I call BULLSHIT!!

You either never loved me the way you said all these years and everyfuckingthing was fake or… You don’t love her as much as you think you do and she’s just a band-aid for your broken soul. Bad thing about band-aids is you can’t keep them on forever, eventually you have to rip those bitches off as quick possible and toss ’em in the trash. But it literally only hurts for a second you’ve forgotten about the band-aid before it’s even hit the can.

I’m not looking for any kind of band-aid, I’m feeling and experiencing every terrible thing, and a few good, there is from this. I’m not trying to hide away from it and pretend like it didn’t or doesn’t matter because it did and it does. I have always been true and open to US and everything that came from US, even though this is what US has become I am still going to be just as open and honest with the pain and hurt of losing you.

I always thought you would too… How wrong I was.

 

I was told not to blog so I didn’t, well I did I just didn’t post it… Until now.

 

say sorry

 

So I’ve been told not to blog.

I know that no one on this rock knows me better than you so I’m pretty sure you are expecting this, probably waiting for it, and if you hate me well, I’ll just take the hate.

You know I truly had no intention of ever writing to you again.

I actually dreamt of you 3 or 4 nights ago.

It was amazing.

I wasn’t searching for you.

None of your features were blurred.

It was your smiling face and amazing blue eyes.

We weren’t fighting.

We weren’t hiding from anyone.

You didn’t reject me.

We spent a lot of time just snuggling together smiling and me hiding my face in your chest.

It wasn’t some steamy porno dream (damnit) but we did at some point find each other but there was nothing rushed or phony about it.

I felt happy, loved, and peaceful.

It was amazing.

I woke up feeling less heavy than I have in a long time.

I took it as a sign that my soul was finally accepting the fact that it had to go on without you and that I needed to accept it now also.

So I did.

And now this.

Not even 72 hours later and I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face, mascara smeared, broken (again), hurting, not breathing, wondering why the fuck I am so fucking stupid?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I should have listened to my soul when it was screaming at me to ignore you no matter how hard it was.

But I didn’t.

I’m a fucking idiot.

I’m weak when it comes to your love.

I will fall for it everytime.

I still believe in it. (hey I already said I was an idiot ok sorry)

I think I will want to believe in it forever. Why wouldn’t I? I spent years of my life believing it. I truly saw myself believing in it for an eternity.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

You still don’t want to admit to anyone close to you that I mean something to you.

You don’t want any of them to know that you care about me.

So who are you lying to?

Me?

Them?

Yourself?

There has to be a reason why you didn’t want me to blog about our conversations or Skype.

What is it?

You must really be lying to someone to go out of your way to make it a point to tell me you’d regret it because I would blog/Facebook/tell people.

Who would I tell?

I guess the bigger question is who would you NOT tell?

And if they mean so fucking much to you then why continue to fuck with me?

Why pretend like you love me and want to start over if it’s all just fucking bullshit?!?!?!?!?

I don’t think I will ever understand how you could say that you shared the love that I had for you when you over and over again you hurt/break/tear me down? If you had the love that I have/had there would be no way that you would ever want to hurt or see me hurt the way that you have.

I started this last night.

As we were arguing via text.

Before you text me and called me.

Before we Skype’d.

Before we spent time just being US.

Before we laughed as we tried to remember why we were fighting in the first place and then spent time trying to figure out why we started fighting in the first place.

Before we spent time just talking to each other, not yelling/fighting/crying(well a little bit of crying, it’s me duh)/hanging up on each other/blaming/denying.

I miss that so bad.

I miss the way that whatever we are doing it just flows, there is no awkwardness, everything smoothly transitions into the next. I’m happy that there was very little lovey dovey mushy gushy stuff. It was simply just US.

I missed the way you make me laugh.

I missed looking up to see your smile and blue eyes looking back at me.

But…

I’m sure it was a mistake.

I’m sure you really aren’t going to change.

I’m sure no one knows that you are talking to me.

I’m sure that you’d deny deny deny that any of the above happened.

I’m sure that I haven’t crossed your mind today.

I’m sure that I could keep calling for days and if you weren’t by yourself then you wouldn’t respond or aknowledge me.

And I am requiring more of that from people that I allow into my life.

On another note I have a new anthem check it out. I think it is amazefuckingballz!!

 

I’m still here… Kinda.

feel so empty

 

I haven’t let myself post in a long time.

It’s been 8 days and 2 hours since I’ve heard/looked/talked/text you.

I’ve died a little bit more every second.

I’m trying my hardest to adjust to living without feeling.

I’m trying my best to not let myself completely spiral down the rabbit hole that seems like it’s always only a few steps behind me, chasing after me as fast as it can trying to snatch me when I least expect it.

But I’m aware of it.

I’m very aware of it.

It might not know it but I’m the one who has to constantly talk myself out of jumping in feet first and letting it take me the fuck out of here.

I can hardly believe that it has only been a week without you.

I can’t fucking believe that you have spent a week getting closer and being with her while I have spent a week picking myself up off the ground, running to throw up over and over again, not sleeping, can’t breathe, wanting to die.

But I’m sure you have had the best most relaxed week ever because I haven’t been there to ‘constantly blow your shit up’.

I honestly thought it would be so much harder to not contact you.

Not that it isn’t hard but it’s getting easier and easier to remind myself that you don’t care and that it doesn’t matter if I did reach out because, even though you said you would always be there for me, you wouldn’t answer even if I did call.

So instead… I wake up each day, after only a few hours of restless dreams where I seem to search for you over and over but can never find you, and put one foot in front of the other and remind myself to breathe and that you don’t care and that it’s ok because…

This too shall pass…

 

You’re gone. Like really gone. I feel nothing… But in brighter news you will be spending all of your time with a teenager. That you fell in love with but kinda forgot to let me in on (I’m gonna go puke, again).

feel so empty

 

 

Everything has changed.

Forever.

There will be no more US (I have been doing really good most of the day until I typed that out, now my palms are sweaty, the tears are streaming down my face, the sobs are choked up in my throat, my heart is racing, and I can’t take a fucking breath) ever again.

 I can’t fucking believe it.

 I am sick and destroyed beyond belief.

 There is only one other time in my life that I have been this devastated and it was the day my grandma died and every day after for months.

But this time someone I loved with every ounce of my being wasn’t ripped from arms because of death.

No.

They walked away. Directly (and I mean that pretty fucking literal) into someone else’s arms and barely even looked back as I lay crumpled on the floor (again literal here) feeling like I have had my soul ripped out of my body (literal, you get the point I’m sure).

You did kinda look at me for a second and say you were sorry.

HA!!

Are you fucking serious? You’re sorry? What exactly are you sorry for? Last night when we said our goodbye (which is a whole fucking post in it’s self, and will be written just not sure published) I promised to not be mean, rude, or cruel but this is my blog and shit is about to get real…

Are you sorry for…

Lying and cheating on me for 8 months?

Looking me in the eyes and telling me you loved me and wanted me forever, less than 3 days ago?

Falling in love with a teenager?

Comparing said love to the love that you and I have shared and created?

Falling in love with a teenager? Oh, right I asked that one already, it’s pretty high on my list of questions I would like answered. Obviously.

Acting like I don’t exist?

Turning the most beautiful love story ever written, that could never have been written without the two of US, into ‘Just some chick you USED to date’? (this one actually brought me to the ground. Outside. In my backyard. Pathetic I know)

Ignoring me?

Being heartless?

Making love to me for hours (again less than 3 days ago) day after day but not mean one second of it?

Using me?

Taking my love for granted?

Letting some teenage kids harass me and joke about my love for you?

Rubbing it in my face that you ‘fell in love’ with a kid and letting her message me to tell me how much she trust you because you have never lied to her?! (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME LITTLE GIRL?! DID YOU KNOW ABOUT ME BEFORE I MESSAGED YOU ON Facebook OTHER THAN I WAS A ‘FRIEND’ OF HIS? DID YOU KNOW THAT HE HAS SPENT THE LAST 8 MONTHS OF OUR 3 YEAR RELATIONSHIP TELLING ME NOT TO GIVE UP ON HIM BECAUSE HE LOVES ME AND WANTS TO BE WITH ME? DID YOU KNOW ABOUT ALL THE NIGHTS WE HAVE SPENT WITH EACH OTHER DOING THINGS THAT A LITTLE GIRL COULDN’T EVEN IMAGINE? DO YOU KNOW THAT WE FELL IN LOVE BEFORE YOU COULD EVEN DRIVE A CAR ON YOUR OWN AND DECIDED THAT WE WERE GOING TO SPEND ETERNITY STROKING THAT FLAME? DID HE TELL YOU THAT HE WAS COMING HERE NEXT MONTH? NO? Yea, I didn’t think so… but he never lied to you right?)

Sorry, I’m apparently a bit bitter/hurt/destroyed/broke/empty/irate/angry/sad/dead.

I don’t even know where or what I was saying before that.

I can’t keep a straight line of thought at all.

I should be working. I was on my way there. Until I had to rush home and race to the bathroom to throw up the salad I thought after 48 hours, omg I can’t believe it has been that long… this may be worse than I though, I should try to eat.

So obviously I’m not at work.

I’m here with my coconut water and computer pouring out every last bit of US that remains inside, or trying to at least.

I can tell you I woke up this morning and felt something I have not felt since before I met you, empty. The real empty. I don’t know how else to explain it other than the fire inside of me that burned for US went out. You finally extinguished the last burning embers of US that remained inside and this morning, waking up after saying our goodbe, I could no longer feel the fight inside of me. Oh, I still feel the hurt and the pain but I don’t feel the burning desire to fight for US anymore. It’s almost like my soul knows that there is no more US to fight for and finally gave up. It is one of the saddest feelings I have ever experienced. I honestly thought I would feel that fire forever. I thought that there would never be a time that there wasn’t a burning desire in the pit of my soul to fight for US.

But it’s gone.

I don’t feel it.

I don’t feel anything really. I feel hurt. I feel sorrow. I feel more alone and empty than I could have ever imagined. The parts of US that lived in my soul were just enough that I could always feel them and be reminded that there was something to fight for.

Now that is gone.

There is nothing left to fight for.

I have let you go.

It finally happened.

And I’m so fucking scared I can hardly breathe. I don’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t stop thinking about how there is a lifetime left and I don’t get to look into your blue eyes, or kiss the dragon on your arm, or run my hands down your chest, or call you when I have a bad day, or run to you when I’m hurt, or hear you laugh, or see you smile, I don’t get to hear your voice, I don’t get to hear you call me pretty eyes, I don’t get to hear you say you love me, I don’t get to feel your love wrap around me and make everything else in the universe not matter, I don’t get to wake up in the middle of the night and fall back asleep knowing you’re there, I don’t get the happily everafter that you promised me.

I don’t get anything.

But you get her.

You get all of those things with her.

A kid, that I have had my period longer than she has been walking this fucking earth, gets all of the things that you spent YEARS promising and begging me to believe in.

This has to be a fucking joke right?

Like at some point, and I hope pretty fucking soon, someone is going to knock on my door and say that I was on a reality show to test the strength of my love for you. And that I won. Obviously.

Right?

I mean if that is the case they can stop this sick show and give me my Moon back.

Because I don’t know how much longer I can even exist without him…

Wait.

He’s not mine anymore. This isn’t just some sick disgusting reality show.

It’s real fucking life.

And it’s mine.

And you’re some little girls now.

You didn’t he want to let her go long enough to really give US his all. You never even stopped talking to her like you said you did. I was so fucking stupid to trust you over and over and over again while you lied to my face making me look like the stupid bitch ever.

How could you do this?

How could you take the love that I gave you, from the depths of my soul, and use it like this?

For the last 8 months I have been nothing to you but a cum dumpster.

And I’m pretty sure that is why I can’t keep anything down.

This is never the ending that I thought I would write to our Love Story.

You walking away willingly and without regret/remorse/sadness is not something I ever in a zillion fucking eons could have imagined.

Never.

But you did.

All for a little girl who spends her days watching Disney movies and quoting bands…

And now I have a whole lifetime to accept it.