Sunday hurt day… And that is all I got.

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I’m in bed. Alone. On a Sunday morning. Did you get that second part there where it says alone? Just checking because I was pretty sure that you must have missed that since I’m STILL in bed, alone. Only now I’m writing to distract myself from the sadness and disappointment that are screaming at me.

I have to say that I really didn’t expect to spend any time with you today anyways. I always thought something would keep us apart…

A girl can wish though can’t she?

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Since you can’t be here to chase away the demons tonight can we at least meet in my nightmares… I mean dreams

I want to write to you. I want to tell you how much I miss you and need you.

But I can’t. I’m sorry.

I love you.

I miss you.

I’m yours.

I don’t know if you will ever be there again… And it sets me into a panic, I don’t know how to be without US. I love you.

I’m sitting in my car. With the laptop. Trying to convince myself to keep breathing. It’s not really working.

I’m so confused. A little bit sad. Kinda mad. A tons more hurt.

I love you though. I have learned that no matter what my love for you will always be.

Be safe.

 

 

 

I’m ready to be in your arms again… Feeling a love only US can.

I love you. I love listening to you. I love hearing you, I really love hearing you (: I love the way you love me. I love the way you calm me or bring me back to US when I most need it.

I miss you. I miss you every second we are apart. I’m sorry we are apart so much.

I love you.

I was gonna write but… ummm… I am a bit too distracted at the moment. I miss you.

I’m assuming you can tell what’s distracting me…

I hate work. Ughhh…. I’m off to shower, thank god for hand held shower heads (:

I miss you. RawR

 

 

 

An early morning Miss List.

I have so much to say and yet nothing to type. I don’t know why this happens. I don’t know why I am always able to ‘write’ at the worst times. When I have some time to myself to do what I want, which happens to be write, I cant because my mind is racing in so many directions right now. Perhaps I should take a minute and be right back….

Mission accomplished and a Jason Mraz song to welcome me back? Gee, don’t I feel lucky.

I don’t know what to say now, of course. Or maybe its not that I don’t know WHAT to say but more of I don’t know HOW to say it. Not that there is one ‘it’ too say but you get what I mean right? No? Good. Me neither.

I want to say that I miss you. But I really miss US. I miss the way I could feel US, the way I could feel US in my soul. I miss the way you touched a part of me that I don’t recall ever being ‘touched’ before. A part of me that I didn’t even know existed until US showed me.

I miss the way I could fall asleep in seconds and how I felt safe. I miss NOT waking with cheeks wet from tears. I miss the way you could sense when I needed and what I needed before I ever did. I miss the laughs. I miss the love. I miss the caring. I miss the fun. I miss getting to be me.

I miss having someone who shows me how much they care about me. I miss feeling loved, feeling cared about. I miss late nights and early mornings. I miss middle of the night showers. I miss kissed away tears. I miss Casper whispers. I miss hours slipping by unnoticed. I miss Iron Man masks. I miss headsets and killionaires. I miss recipe swapping.

I miss not feeling guilty. I miss not missing you.

I miss butterflies. I miss tingles. I miss goosies. I miss heart fluttering, breath taking moments. I miss the sparkle.

I miss everything about you. I miss too much. This could go on forever I think.

I hope your Miss List is shorter than mine. Better yet… I hope you don’t even have a fucking Miss List.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry, what? You are still here, holding on, and loving me? You are Ridiculous.

I push, I yell, I act like a freaking hormonal lunatic, and still you hold on.

You love.

What?!

I don’t understand that. I can’t wrap my head around you wanting to stick around and not run as fast as you can. It doesn’t settle well in me. So, what do I do? I push harder. I shut down. I can’t even find it in me to form words when I talk to you. Instead I sit, zombie like, while the screaming in my head just won’t shut the FUCK up long enough for me to even focus on what you are saying or what is going on around me. This is what I have become lately, a freaking Momzbie…

I don’t really like it.

Know what else I don’t like?

Golf….

I fucking HATE golf today!

But I’m pretty sure that as much as I HATE golf, push, yell, cry, or shutdown today or any day, you will still be here. Loving. Caring. Understanding. Holding on for dear life. And that Moon is why it is so hard to not love, to not want US more than anything.

But as hard as it is, as much as I love and miss US, I have to let you go. I have to do what is right; it doesn’t make it any easier though.

I miss US… I’m sorry