Guess who’s wide awake and has to be at work in 6 hours? Yup, Me can you say…

I miss you.

I love you.

I wish I was snuggled in your love, fast asleep.

I’m yours.

What do you do if you can’t sleep and it’s 4am? Go to Walmart of course!?

Everyone in Walmart is a zombie right? I hate Walmart for the record but no sleep does crazy shit to you.

Sleep is for the fucking weak. I’m a brain eating super Mommy Zombie…

I miss you…

I’m sorry…

Dear April…

I have been listening to Pandora and trying to write for almost 2 hours now. I decided to start again because there was nothing good coming from it. And now, my fingers have decided to work against me and fill this with typos and backspacing, not to mention the fucking SB that still sticks ):

Can ya throw me a frickin’ bone here people?

I mean seriously.

I have to remind myself to breathe now.

What?!?

Did I just admit that? Yea, weird but true. I find myself sometimes so ‘lost’ that I have to remind myself to take a breath. Is it bad to admit that I might not be able to do this alone? How much worse is it that I don’t want to battle this with you? I know we are gonna survive the zombie apocalypse and all but this makes that look like a day at the boardwalk and I don’t want you to have to see any of this. I think you deserve better. I want better for you.

I’m gonna stop trying tonight. I guess I will try again tomorrow. I am sorry that you are feeling the aftershocks of what’s going on here.

Until we meet again… Rawr…  

We’re making magic. And we are gonna survive the Zombie Apocalypse.

 

Today was amazing.You are amazing.US is more than amazing (:

Being able to spend the time together we have lately is saving me right now. Things are bad here. I feel awful that you have to deal with all my sadness right now, especially since it’s not your fault or because of you. I have basically begged and pleaded with you to leave me alone during all this, to run as fast as you can and hide from this but you refuse and I love you so much. I love that you don’t give in to my pushing. I love how you love me. I find the love of US lighting the dark when you are not here. I can feel the love of US settle over me when the anxiety, sadness, hurt start to set in.

Shutting down is my basic survival mode. It is what I always do. When things start to get too much I shut down. I push everyone and everything away and I ‘Fake it till I make it’. I don’t let anyone in to comfort, hold, or support me. I don’t really even know what that is like anymore. I have been battling this thing called life by my own for so long now that having a KickAss partner like YOU is unsettling at times. Then the excitement and love takes back over and the KICKASS-ness shines bright again.

Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for not letting me push you away. Thank you for holding on and loving me through all my ‘craziness’. Thank you for seeing through all of my ‘I would rather be alone’ bullshit and sticking around. Thanks for loving me, crazy and all.  

I am going to try to sleep. I hope you stayed asleep tonight Moon, you were beyond cute tonight my dear. Tonight was fantastic and fun. You are just what I needed. You are just what I need. Forever.

Goodnight my Moon. I love you.